How Does a Sociopath Affect a Child?

If you are dealing with a sociopath in your life I know how extremely difficult it is and it’s even more difficult if you are forced to co-parent with a sociopath.  I know how desperate you must feel.  I can only speak from my own experience, but there are sure to be commonalities between you and I when it comes to any situation with a sociopath.

What’s happening to your child?

In my own experience it was during my pregnancy that I really grasped the dire straights I was in and started to panic about what it would mean to try to parent with this person (whom I had not yet identified as a sociopath, but had already tried to leave twice before).  The biggest hope I had was that he would either a) end up in jail again before baby was born, or b) simply not have an interest in the baby, or at least not any long term interest.  I know that sounds selfish on my part because every child deserves two parents, however, the negative influence is far worse.

When baby was five weeks old I caught Mr Poison trying to put water in the gas tank of my car.  I had no idea what the consequences of that might be at the time, just that I was sure it couldn’t be good.   The thought that anyone would even think to do that, let alone actually do it was completely foreign to me.  I had never heard of such a thing.  Thank goodness I caught him before he succeeded.  It was that morning that I went to the courthouse to obtain an order of restraint, in spite of breastfeeding and recovering from a C-section.  It was during this process that I realized how absolutely insane and dangerous Mr Poison could be.  I erroneously believed that my request would be honored with the information I had given,plain and simple.  I knew what a complete liar Mr P was to me but I was astounded that he went into the courtroom and showed no hesitation whatsoever in lying to the judge right in the courtroom.

Mr Poison showed up in a suit and proceeded to tell the courts that I was unstable, that he owned his own lucrative business and had hired a nurse to care for the baby in the home.  There was much more but that is the gist.  I was so floored that he could lie so blatantly and get away with it in a courtroom that when the judge asked me why he shouldn’t be given custody, I couldn’t immediately think of the long list of reasons why and when I basically stated that he was lying about everything that came out of his mouth, I was met with a “he said, she said – so prove it” type of thing.  UNBELIEVABLE!

That was my first experience with the legal system and the beginning of losing complete faith in the system and justice overall.

What transpired over the next couple of years is a different story.  This story is how a sociopath affects children and it’s just not good.  Be sure to read my other post that defines what a sociopath is so you have some idea of why and how a sociopath can negatively affect a child, YOUR child.  A sociopath has no conscience and their whole bane of existence is to see people as targets and victims and how they can use them.  Children are no different for them, even their own children.

Go to the website Lovefraud.com and you will find some general information about sociopaths and children.  One of the most important things I gained from that site is the knowledge that sociopaths exist for one reason and that is to win.  Simply to win.  It doesn’t matter what situation, what person, what entity; their whole goal is to win and they will do anything to achieve that.  Lying is nothing to them and because they have no conscience they spend no time feeling guilty about what they do or say.

In my own situation, I had a three year old child when I met Mr Poison and in the beginning he was attentive and playful with her, appropriately so.  At first it was small things that started to make me watch a little closer.  I couldn’t quite define it and he wasn’t hurting her.  I almost felt like I was being paranoid or overly protective.  The process is so difficult to define, to put into words.  It’s almost like you arrive at a place that is like a horrible and scary nightmare and you are trying to wake up but you can’t remember even  falling asleep or getting ready for bed.

He started to say things to me in front of my daughter that were derogatory or demeaning but then laugh them off or act like I was crazy or over reacting if I got upset.  I’m not one to easily let things pass when it comes to mutual respect so there would be arguments.  However, Mr Poison is a relentless talker and would talk in circles, sometimes following me throughout the house.  I got worn out and would just give up or lock the bathroom door.  This is emotionally damaging to a young child, very confusing.  After baby was born things only got worse.

Because I work in social services and have a huge affection for babies and children, Mr POISON made it his mission to discount me, to use my knowledge against me, to try to gain the affection of the children.  I can’t even explain how this confuses children because they love their parents.  When I would try to set limits as to his being at my home and would tell him to leave he would get in my face and call me awful names, just quiet enough so the kids didn’t hear but so that I would become upset and tell him to leave my home before I called the police.  Then he would loudly say things like “why are you acting like this?  I’m only trying to be here to help with the kids, I know how stressed you are, ” and on and on.  The kids would cry and not understand why I was ‘making daddy leave’.

And then I started to hear how he was talking to them when I wasn’t in the immediate vicinity.  He seemed to enjoy saying or doing things that upset the kids and then twist it around when I intervened so that he seemed reasonable and they were misbehaving or tired or whatever.

A sociopath has no fear and thrives on excitement so he became the “fun” parent.  This means spending money on unnecessary things instead of basic essentials.  There would be impulsive weekend trips with no planning whatsoever.  There would be no consideration for how any of his behavior or lack of planning affected the kids.  I can’t stress the emotional damage this causes any child because they truly do love their sociopathic parent.  They have no understanding, or they can’t define when something doesn’t feel right or they  have the sociopathic parent deliberately telling them that what they know they experienced wasn’t true.  Like I said, it’s very difficult to explain.

I could spend another hour writing specific examples of my own experience, of my own kids’ experiences, but I want to hear yours too.  I think just knowing we are not alone is a tremendous help.

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98 Responses to How Does a Sociopath Affect a Child?

  1. Lynn says:

    It’s hard to know where to begin. I married my ex-husband at a very young age. We were both in mature and selfish. I was in love with him though. I was five months pregnant when we married. The change I saw in him was immediate. I remember crying on my honeymoon. We were on our honeymoon and he acted as if he just didn’t want to be there. He suddenly acted as if he wanted nothing to do with me sexually which was extremely new and confusing to me. We were young and we didn’t have much money. We bought a mobile home. I remember lieing in our room just feeling so blessed in unbelief that this home was all ours. We had a small room for the baby. My mother bought some wall paper for us to put up in the babies room in place of the dark panneling. Mike refused to put it up. I was so excited about the baby and he showed no interest at all. I could never talk to him about it. I could never talk to him about anything. He was so obsessed with television. That is all he would do when he was at home. It was an obsession. He would just sit there and flip the television from one channel to another. It was as though I didn’t exist. If I tried to get his attention he would become angry and abusive. We would argue it was terrible. I remember telling him that this isn’t normal. I feel like I am in a bad movie or bad dream. I had never seen or heard my parents fight. I had never heard my father yell or cus my mother or my mother him. It was horrible and I felt so confused. I was young and imature my self and I have to say that I screamed cussed and became violent too. Then I would have so much guilt. I would feel so awful about myself. I kept wondering if it really was him or is it me. A few months inot our marriage I caught Mike wearing my pantyhose. I didn’t know what to think of it? I remember asking him if he was Gay? or is he a transvestite? Does he wear any of my other clothing while I am not around? He told me that he just liked to wear them when he masterbates. I was confused and hurt by that as well. I couldn’t understand why he was masterbating so much and not having sex with me. In my mind I just decided it was because I was fat and pregnant. Thats what I told myself at the time. Mike had a way of taking every moment that was supposed to be a joyous occassion and making it something you would never want to remember but so painful you would never forget. The day I finally got to bring my precious daughter home. Ill never forget that day. I was 20 years old and scarred and so so sore. My daughter was a beautiful 9lb baby girl that I had decided to have natural. I was sore I was bleeding heavily and so nervous. They had told me at the hospital not to lift anything over 10 lbs., not to sweep or vaccum the floor, avoid steps and take sits baths and gave me all the stuff to take care of the bleeding. When we got home he went straight to the TV. After some time I needed all the stuff that they sent home with me from the car. It was in my luggage. I asked Mike if he would go out and bring the luggage in so that I could take care of my bleeding. He would tell me yes in a minute. Then he would just sit there and watch the TV. As time past I began to feel despirate I started begging him to go out and bring in my suitcase and in response he would become angry. I started crying and he started screaming at me. He told me that I could go out and get it in my self. He has been working and running back and forth to the hospital for days while I have been laying on my fat ass. Why of course the birth or our child had been more demanding and exhausting for him. I got the suitcase in by myself and it didn’t kill me. It is just such a painful memory for me though. The arguing and fighting became more after the baby was born. It was one thing that he ignored me but to ignore my child was more than I could bare. We would argue and she would cry. Maybe she was crying because she was hungry or her diaper needed changed but in my mind it was because we were fighting. I felt so guilty for that. I stayed married to him for 20 years.

    • LeAnne Smith says:

      Sounds so very familiar.
      I’m not comfortable going into too many details, I’ll keep it brief. We were married and pregnant while he was in the Navy. I started noticing that things were amiss in a big way. He finally , after 3 attempts, found a way to get out of the military- he committed himself to a mental institution almost 3 hours away from where we lived with our angel of a little girl- she was an infant at the time. I had no vehicle, no phone, no support system. He returned a couple weeks later excited to be getting discharged from something he had worked so hard to belong to. I was given no explanation of anything- what happened at the hospital with him, if he was diagnosed with anything, if he was okay.
      It became abruptly clear as we moved back to his hometown that he was not okay. Something had snap,crackled, and popped. No one wanted to be around him- always scared of him turning into the “purple monster.” I stayed as long as I could and coped with the emotional and deep psychological abuse. When he began using his techniques of torture on our daughter-age 2 then- I knew I had to do what I said I never would, never could do- I told him I wanted a divorce.
      Then I had to mimic some of his manipulative and outlandish ‘tricks’ to ensure that Angel and I got away from him.
      Physically, I got away. But in my brainwashed mind, I can never truly stop him from getting to me. My daughter and I are learning together how to deal with the fires he starts in our hearts. I worry so much about her because she loves him and he knows it and uses it to his advantage to make her feel worthless. I count it a blessing that he wants little to no involvement in her life. Yes, kids ideally need a relationship with both biological parents- her welfare,safety, heart, and mind are mine to protect though, and I will never let her down on that.
      Praise the Lord that I got remarried to my best friend, the man of my dreams and an outstanding Father-an all around good human being.
      The twist to my story is he was divorced around the same time as me and his ex is even more of a sociopath/psychopath/narcissist/BPD than my ex. My husband was granted custody of his beautiful son after their divorce.
      His ex- I’ll call her Jezzebel – moved across the country with the man/child she left him for after an affair that crushed my husband. He would’ve forgiven/done anything to have his son grow up with both of his parents.Before.
      We now are grateful that things panned out how they did-God works in mysterious ways.
      However! His ex fits the profile for a sociopath, an aggressive narcissist, and a few other humdingers. He and I can handle her but ‘their’ son is having serious emotional trauma from her inability to love him and visit him, as she continually ‘wants and is going to’.
      It didn’t take long for Son to steal my heart, and vice versa. He is so insecure and traumatized by her poor decisions and behaviors- he’s convinced that HE did something wrong. I hold him while he cries and do what I can to relate to him (my Dad and I have a similar relationship), but nothing I do can take his pain away. No matter how hard I try to rid him of bad thoughts of himself and his life because of her, come to find out when your child is hurting sometimes all you can do is stand by while they hurt and cry with them .
      She gets visitation when he has long breaks from school and Plans to buy him a plane ticket so he can go see her. He is 7. I’m forever anxious about the mere thought of this. The plane ride alone.The airports alone. An even more impending sense of doom lies in how he will be treated and manipulated while he is with her.
      She didn’t get custody because she didn’t do so hot on the psychological evaluation that was required of both her and my husband. I don’t know a LOT about her mental health history, but from what I’ve witnessed over the past couple of years, I find her to be an unfit mother and highly unstable . PLEASE- if anyone has advice on if/ how I could make the authorities/courts aware of her state of mind and prove that she is an unfit,potentially dangerous mother, I will take any words of wisdom/ ideas I can get. Any advice at all would be great- I’m just realizing what my first husband was and is (and Jezzebel!) and I’m floored that all of this time I thought they were just self-righteous life-suckers. Knowledge is power!

      • Peace247 says:

        Dear LeAnne, I know it’s so frustrating and discouraging but, to tell you the honest truth, you have to be very careful about how you approach the authorities and the courts. Even though you may truly believe that you are dealing with a sociopath and have experienced the craziness and abuse, the courts are often not much hope. The more I research this and the longer I experience it myself, I am disgusted, disappointed, disheartened, in disbelief……you name it. I have stopped trying so hard to “convince” the very people that I thought would protect me and my children because their sociopath father only uses that to cause further damage to me. It’s an alternate reality that you can’t escape from.

        It is very sad to watch our children go through unnecessary pain, I don’t have an answer but I can offer support and encouragement to keep fighting.

        • Fedup says:

          The family courts are still in the dark ages when it comes to the notion that two parents are better than one when one of the parents is not healthy. What is so good & beneficial to any child when one of the parents is detrimental to their growth & well-being? I made the mistake of re-opening my child support case after 15 years of no support for my two children, living in poverty while working & putting myself through college, because he willfully abandoned the children. My children & I were physically, mentally, & emotionally abused by him, I suffered severe physical abuse during both of the pregnancies, even required hospitalization for a life-threatening torn uterus that almost ruptured, had a fractured arm & facial bones, I need both of my hips replaced from years of him physically abusing me (even during pregnancy) & I am barely in my 50’s now & cannot walk hardly at all. I have severe chronic pain all the time. This abuse occurred between 1994-1998. I had him arrested several times but I recanted (I was the classic abused woman). He came with a history of domestic abuse before our “relationship” & I was too dumb (or desperate) at the time to run the other way. I thought I could fix him, I believed he needed the right woman & that I was that “right” woman. Hah! Was I blind! While I was pregnant both times, he tried to cause the death of both of our children through abuse because he didn’t want them. He statutorily abandoned & neglected both children before they were born, & came back to harass us like a revolving door whenever he pleased after they were born, until the court ordered supervised visitation. He became angry over the court’s rules & power over him, so he threatened to abandon the children if I didn’t drop the entire custody & child support case. I refused. He abandoned them. Then he started changing jobs after he beat up his (female) supervisor for firing him & he received a restraining order from that former employer, Kaiser Hospital, San Francisco, CA, for workplace violence (See what I mean when I said I must’ve been either too dumb or desperate to leave this lunatic…not many people go back to their former place of employment & beat their bosses). I had warned this former boss and his entire department about him years before when he started involving them in his abuse of me. For example: he forcefully took my newborn son out of my arms on the hospital property in 1995 while I was walking to a medical appointment, locked my son inside his department’s office with the secretary, to keep him from me, then physically abused me outside the office, shoving me into the large trash receptacles, causing me to be knocked to the ground, this was visible to his department office through a large glass window, & his boss (a male at the time) came running out to intervene…of course they didn’t call the police because it would make the hospital & department look bad, so I didn’t report it either…although I was very disappointed they didn’t, I felt a sense of betrayal & lack of responsibility from them. Another time he stole my car & hid it from me in the Kaiser hospital parking garage (the parking garage was a part of his department). I told his employer then, after I found my car hidden in the underground parking level. Mr. Lunatic had poor employee reviews while he was employed at Kaiser (as a transportation specialist), but during our 4-year “relationship” the hospital tolerated him. They finally had enough of him in 2000 & fired him (we had split up for good in 1998). His boss at the time of his firing was a woman…a woman who had previously stood up for him on many occasions. But when she fired him in 2000, he returned and battered her at the workplace (inside that same office where he had previously, forcefully, taken my newborn son while he battered me into the trash receptacles outside in plain view). But this time he made the mistake of battering his boss, so the hospital obtained a restraining order for workplace violence. This was around the time he was ordered supervised visits, & then he abandoned my two children for good, & I was forced to close the child support case out of fear for their safety after he made threats to harm us if I didn’t.

          During my roller-coaster “relationship” he beat me severely often, it wasn’t unusual for my injuries to look similar to the photos we’ve all seen of Nicole Brown-Simpson or Rihanna. He told my neighbor after being questioned about hearing the abuse through the walls, that I put all the bruises and marks on my own body myself (geez, can you believe that one?). During one incident this is how I spent a weekend: He was arrested after robbing me of my 1 carat diamond ring (from my former marriage) by forcefully stealing it from my finger on my left-hand where I had been wearing it, taking a chunk of skin layer during the struggle to steal it from me while he said he was going to get some money for it, then dragged be about the house by my ponytail, picked me up & threw me down a flight of steep stairs intending for me to hit the hard concrete sidewalk, but instead the top stair broke my fall & saved my life, all in front of my toddler son. Another occasion he stalked me on my way home from work, kidnapped me by dragging me onto the Kaiser Hospital shuttle van that he was hired to drive for his employer— Kaiser Hospital—he was alone, he beat me, then threw me out into the gutter like discarded trash. Luckily this time a stranger witnessed it & reported it to authorities. Mr. Lunatic was remanded back into custody for breaking the terms of his probation that he received (he was already on probation for beating me in a separate case). Of course, stupid fearful me refused to testify the day of his sentencing in the case where he dragged me onto his work vehicle, beat me, & threw me into the gutter, because he stood in the courthouse hallway & threatened me privately to break my neck if I didn’t convince the prosecutors to drop the case…see, he almost had broke my neck before & it is really scary to be threatened with it again. Plus, abused women who are still in the cycle of abuse, are traumatized & we feel a need to protect our abuser & afraid to raise children as a single-parent..it’s true we do that. He did many other bad violent things to me & my children over the 4 year ordeal with him. He also stole everything he could & lied constantly about anything. Sounds like we were both druggies doesn’t it? Not me! I never used drugs or alcohol or tobacco. He used to be attractive (but he’s not anymore, he didn’t age well & looks unkempt), physical attraction got me hooked in the beginning. I am (still) attractive, but when we get with a sociopath, they slowly chisel away at our self-esteem. It happens. We may or may not realize it is happening at the time, but once we are out of the situation, we realize it over time.

          Fast forward to 2012: I tired of being poor, working myself to the grave while barely able to walk from my painful hip injuries, at the same time putting myself through college. I supported my children with student loans, college grants & scholarships, & 28 hour work weeks & only $7.25/hour. Basically I grew tired of being a victim & carrying 100% of his responsibilities that he’d abandoned. So I reopened the support case, once I was living 500 miles away from this lunatic. Within days after he received the legal papers from the child support division in my county to garnish his wages after going Scott-Free for over a decade of not paying child support, he filed for…yep, you guessed it…CUSTODY & visitation, declaring in his court motion that he would show the children that he never abandoned them & accused me of keeping them from him. Smack right in my face! After all the years of single-parenting to do what was best for my children, I never dated, I struggled on my own, afraid of ending up in another bad relationship. While raising the children, I had put myself through college, graduated with two bachelor’s degrees from an ivy university, then attended my first year of law school (I’m on a medical leave to have my hip surgery now). I sure could’ve used that child support that he made me refuse out of intimidation. And now he claims he never knew where the children were & somehow it’s my fault!!! ??? What happened to going to the court all these years to tell them his story? My bill collectors found me, jury duty found me, and anyone could’ve googled me because my address is on the Internet & it takes them to my front door. I was a property owner & he had driven with me to my property in 1997, I moved to my property in 2000, sold it to go to college in 2004; he never contacted us, but he could have if he wanted to…I was easy to find. I always let the child support division of each county I lived in know where we were, & paid for a P.O. box & mailed the P.O. box address to him in case he alleged this nonsense. Still, he denies abandoning the children, alleges he never knew how to find the children & accuses me of keeping them from him.

          With all my proof, I still didn’t trust my life & the children’s safety in the hands of a court judge…a mere stranger sitting in judgement of my case by reading on paper what Mr. Lunatic did. I regret re-opening my support case & would rather have suffered more from the stressful lifestyle of poverty, than to be forced to let Mr. Lunatic try to seek his revenge, my payback for garnishing his wages. The family court judge has allowed my case to go on to the point of harassment & abuse to my children, ages 18 next month & 14 1/2, who have already told the court-appointed therapist during a private session between only the therapist & the children (not me) that they don’t want anything to do with him. He is a stranger to them & they said they don’t want to be part of this. Despite the therapist’s report to the judge to respect the children’s wishes, the judge granted Mr. Lunatic’s request for minor’s counsel, another legal apparatus to harass & control the children & me (he says he will pay those expensive fees for minor’s counsel, but you know how it always ends up being dumped on the other party). Why would a judge allow him to spend that money on legal fees when he’s in arrears on child support of approximately $160,000? Yes, he owes a lot in back support, at least $160,000. I am still poor! He is not (he makes about $75k/year & no hardships deductions or other dependents, has a 2 income household by living in girlfriend’s home for the past 7-8 years, that she owns, her income & expenses are about the same as his, but he reports only his income). Still, the judge is forcing me to take the children at least once per month to an expensive therapist—last month it cost me $240 for an hour & 20 mins. Next week I have to take them back for a follow-up, there’s no telling how much it will cost this already poor woman (me). My car engine overheats…the temperature gauge red light comes on within minutes, I have to pull over & shut it off until it goes off, can only drive a mile or two at a time, my attorney is screaming at me for more money (I already burned through my $1,000 retainer last year & thought this case would be over by now), my son is graduating from high school next week & I had to ask his school for a reduced fee for his cap & gown rental & ceremony cost, he missed his prom because we are too poor, I only receive $1,7000/mo. for a family of 3, my rent takes half of that, I cannot work right now due to my hips & needed surgery, but the judge doesn’t care! He forced me go to the expensive therapist, I had to save my money for months to afford it, then at one of the hearings last month (April 2013), the judge punished me for not going to the therapist sooner & sanctioned me $1,200. Makes no sense to punish a poor woman for not being able to hire a therapist. A person has to be financially fit to afford all these expensive professionals that are required by the court. My attorney is not protecting me because he’s not getting his money. I lose! Folks, it’s about money!!!! If I hit the big lottery, I would have a legal team that would take lunatic father to task, I don’t have the money to hire the legal team, I am poor, and disabled, and losing a legal battle. Oh, and just recently lunatic dad had the nerve to blame his abandonment on child protective services too (although I’ve never been involved in that system) saying that he was told years ago by child protective services when he looked for the children, that they were deceased. That is a crock of nonsense. I have a clean record, no involvement from that agency either. He’s smearing my name & reputation & I have lived a good clean life, I’m a high-achiever (he is not, we were/are really opposites, I believed I could change him). Although I know he is lying, it still hurts emotionally to be the target of character assassination. The judge will still give him every chance he asks for to keep trying to unify with the children, although his goal is to destroy them for revenge.

          • Donna says:

            WHAT DO I DO WHEN THERE IS NO ONE FOR SUPERVISED VISITATION? 14 year old will not do it anyway. He is taller and bigger than I. The 4 year old has no idea what a sociopath will do.
            Is a guardian ad litem in Florida good for my kids. My separated husband is a sociopath. I have written many regarding my situation. All that has happened with the beating, poisoning me, held captive, the abusers mom coming to my house and telling me to stop crying, that is only one black eye, get in your room and stay there, you better not say anything to anyone and all the lies between the sociopath and his mom were bad. BUT, NOW THAT I HAVE BEEN OUT OF IT and in court. I got a DVI good for 1 year. This year I have been in and out of court to protect my two boys 4 & 14. 1st order for Dad to have them 8 hours each Sat. The 14 year old cried and begged to never go over there (Dad/sociopath’s house, which is where he has lived for a year). Because Dad hits things, yells, tells my son all kind of lies and tells him you better never tell your mom/me or else. The 4 year wet his bed after he returned from the 8 hours and hid under tables/beds, chairs, said the bad people are coming, you/me are bad and Daddy said you are and he will kidnap me,the dog was to go outside (note our outside dog was poisoned and died). Al this from a Autistic 14 year old and a 4 year old. So much more. Both boys are scared. DVI Judge Vogel did allow the 14 year old to do a tape with CAC. And, she ordered no more visits, but allowed a 5 min. phone call every night. My 14 year old told the Dad over and over he did not want to talk to him and would hang up. I encouraged the 4 year old just to talk. He didn’t want to either, said something’s about his toys. Last phone call the Dad hung up on his 4 year old. So, next calls the 4 year old did the same thing. I hoped even if my Ex/separated sociopath husband and mother-in-law that they/he would just try to start being a Dad. Instead he un-screws my porch light blubs, breaks-in home and just leaves messages, turns furniture upside down. I have called police dozens, but nothing they can do without me tackling sociopath and holding him there till police do. Last order of the DV court Judge was that no contact with 14 year old and the 4 year old to have supervised visits the CJC. Well Ex missed visited and continues to walk around my yard at night, follow me and create crazy just stuff that make you go really. As I try to understand what will be next. BUT, MY DVI is expired and to go to family court. It is, but he will not show for mediation. And, lawyer are trying to find anyone we know that can do the mediation. Cause CJC can not without order. I do not trust his mom that told me for years to shut me mouth and just take it and that I deserve the beating to do visitation. And, no one in my family or the rest of his family want to be around him/sociopath. WHAT DO I DO WHEN THERE IS NO ONE FOR SUPERVISED VISITATION? 14 year old will not do it anyway. He is taller and bigger than I. The 4 year old has no idea what a sociopath will do.

          • Donna says:

            Destroy he will. He no longer has you. The kids are next! Then everyone and anything else you have. I wish it was different and I had better to say. BUT THIS IS A GAME! LIKE MY LAWYER AT URSAFE SAID THIS SEEMS LIKE HE AND HIS MOM ARE TRYING TO GET A REACTION FROM YOU AND USE THE KIDS TO DO SO.
            WHAT DO I DO WHEN THERE IS NO ONE FOR SUPERVISED VISITATION? 14 year old will not do it anyway. He is taller and bigger than I. The 4 year old has no idea what a sociopath will do.
            Is a guardian ad litem in Florida good for my kids. My separated husband is a sociopath. I have written many regarding my situation. All that has happened with the beating, poisoning me, held captive, the abusers mom coming to my house and telling me to stop crying, that is only one black eye, get in your room and stay there, you better not say anything to anyone and all the lies between the sociopath and his mom were bad. BUT, NOW THAT I HAVE BEEN OUT OF IT and in court. I got a DVI good for 1 year. This year I have been in and out of court to protect my two boys 4 & 14. 1st order for Dad to have them 8 hours each Sat. The 14 year old cried and begged to never go over there (Dad/sociopath’s house, which is where he has lived for a year). Because Dad hits things, yells, tells my son all kind of lies and tells him you better never tell your mom/me or else. The 4 year wet his bed after he returned from the 8 hours and hid under tables/beds, chairs, said the bad people are coming, you/me are bad and Daddy said you are and he will kidnap me,the dog was to go outside (note our outside dog was poisoned and died). Al this from a Autistic 14 year old and a 4 year old. So much more. Both boys are scared. DVI Judge Vogel did allow the 14 year old to do a tape with CAC. And, she ordered no more visits, but allowed a 5 min. phone call every night. My 14 year old told the Dad over and over he did not want to talk to him and would hang up. I encouraged the 4 year old just to talk. He didn’t want to either, said something’s about his toys. Last phone call the Dad hung up on his 4 year old. So, next calls the 4 year old did the same thing. I hoped even if my Ex/separated sociopath husband and mother-in-law that they/he would just try to start being a Dad. Instead he un-screws my porch light blubs, breaks-in home and just leaves messages, turns furniture upside down. I have called police dozens, but nothing they can do without me tackling sociopath and holding him there till police do. Last order of the DV court Judge was that no contact with 14 year old and the 4 year old to have supervised visits the CJC. Well Ex missed visited and continues to walk around my yard at night, follow me and create crazy just stuff that make you go really. As I try to understand what will be next. BUT, MY DVI is expired and to go to family court. It is, but he will not show for mediation. And, lawyer are trying to find anyone we know that can do the mediation. Cause CJC can not without order. I do not trust his mom that told me for years to shut me mouth and just take it and that I deserve the beating to do visitation. And, no one in my family or the rest of his family want to be around him/sociopath. WHAT DO I DO WHEN THERE IS NO ONE FOR SUPERVISED VISITATION? 14 year old will not do it anyway. He is taller and bigger than I. The 4 year old has no idea what a sociopath will do.

        • Heartbroken mom says:

          Dear peace, I’m wondering how you are doing, I can relate 100%. Please let me know how things are going for you.
          Thanks,
          Heartbroken mom

          • Peace247 says:

            Thanks Heartbroken Mom! I am doing okay. There is still an ongoing battle but it has gotten better; there is an official no-contact order in place now. I still am completely disappointed in our legal system and wish we could all band together to initiate changes.

  2. affraid to say says:

    I am so very tired and emotionally beaten down. The only thing that keeps me going are my children and trying to ‘normalize’ their lives after they deal with their sociopath father.

    I have been living with this man in my life for 11 years now. My story is not unlike the many stories I have read on many sites. The reason I am responding to this one is that I could have written the stories above myself.

    What started as a whirlwind romance, quickly became a pregnant woman, frequently left alone with little or no interest or concern from her partner a cold and indifferent liar, and habitual philanderer. His indifference was heartbreaking, but ‘he’ ,defined by his very well suited job ( short term contract positions… no ties… no long term responsibility…self employed… totally autonomous) made a good living, providing a home for my child and I, as long as I took care of everything, home, bills, maintenance… I even bought the house for him without him seeing it. He gave me specifics about where, how much and ‘let’ me decide. What I perceived as the ultimate trust was simply the ultimate control in disguise.

    Grand gestures of weekend trips out of town and country, soon turned into bankruptcy. I was left to use my credit rating to save his house, company…life. He hid all of his financial information from me until the very last minute. With small child in tow I declared that I would make everything o.k for us, and that we would work everything out. I wanted to leave him, but couldn’t leave when he needed me so much…

    Loathing began to run deep after a few years of serial infidelity, lack of concern for the well being of his daughter…inappropriate comments laughed off as misunderstandings and a realization that his personality was suited to the situation or the individual that he was dealing with… he was … the only way I could describe it at the time “inhuman’, ‘artificial’.

    Wanting to have a second child, a sibling for my first child I stayed. I didn’t know what I was dealing with… I thought I could handle it. After a series of unfortunate life events and three years after the birth of my second child, my son , I was able to leave. But I was ( as my mother so kindly pointed out to me…lol) just a shadow of myself. I was defeated, drained and sucked dry.

    His declaration of a lifetime of misery for leaving him and taking his money, was foolishly dismissed. Believing that his complete indifference to myself and my children would continue after I left. MISTAKE!!!

    I am now in a daily fight for the well being of my children, for my sanity, our freedom from harassment, and fear for my children’s safety. The man who was once indifferent and careless with our children, the man who worked every day and slept with anything with a pulse, this man… now sees his children two nights a week and every other weekend. He totes his “rights” are above those of all others in the children’s lives. He over medicates, bullies, terrorizes and purchases my children. While he is unable to meet his child support payments, he is able to take annual trips, cruises and purchase lavish gifts for his children and the ‘women’ in his life.

    I recently had to quit my job for fear that I would not be close enough to my children’s school if he were to try and take them from school, after children’s services was contacted because he shook and threw one of my children, along with other terrible things that i don’t want to be specific about, just in case he sees this.

    I realize now, it will never end. My children are becoming old enough that I try and provide them with coping mechanisms for his manipulation, and the sheer havoc he takes on their lives, but they’re still too young to explain any of this to. And, they still want to see him. They know mom loves them, and their father loves them, and that they are always safe here.

    I’m in the process of selling my house so that I can take him to court and try and change custody. I do fear for my safety, and I fear for my children… now and in the future.
    How do I protect them? How do I keep them safe?

    Some days I feel hopeless, and but for the love and support of my husband, I don’t know how I would manage. He gives me strength when it’s been sucked out of me. I can only hope that my children will see who their father is, before they are damaged or hurt and that their step father will be a good example of what is ‘normal’…and ‘good’ and ‘right’.

    When the voice inside your head thinks it’s too good to be true…listen!!!

    • Peace247 says:

      Oh my gosh, I hear you loud and clear. “A shadow of myself” is a great description, very accurate. It takes every bit of strength sometimes to keep things going. I hope every day too that my kids will someday “see” very clearly who the man is that they call dad. He doesn’t deserve that title and I’m so afraid of the impact he will have in their lives. It’s the hardest thing in the world as a mom to have to watch it happen. I’m so discouraged and disappointed in the very system that is supposed to help and protect, it certainly doesn’t. You can email any time. The battle is ongoing for me as well.

  3. Heather says:

    This is a great post; so few people understand how dangerous a sociopath is for children. I have a great scientific study that says that children, especially boys, get a double whammy- there is a risk of inheriting aspd (genetics) and enviromental. I took my 4 r old son to a child pyshcologist to learn strategies to combat this while we are trapped in family court hell. Some sociopaths are born and some are made, but I am confident that my son will not turn out to be one. In the mean time, the judge forced me into shared parenting with the sociopath (who was diagnosed, on supervised visitation, and had a documented history of violence). My case is on appeal, so my battle is ongoing too. Women in similar situations are welcome to contact me anytime… men who challenge custody in court will win 70% of the time. This is especially tragic when the father is a sociopath!

    • Peace247 says:

      Thank you for the comment. I am still in the court process from hell as well. I am absolutely appalled at what the sociopath gets away with. I’ve lost confidence in the family court system. Instead of the best interest of the child – which it should be – it’s about what’s “fair” to the other parent, regardless of his behavior. I don’t get it at all. How they expect healthy productive citizens and contributing adults to be a result is beyond me when these children are forced to endure “parenting time” with someone who has no interest in being a true parent, is beyond me. I’ve tried and tried to wrap my brain around what the kids and I have had to go through and I just cannot make sense of it.

    • Lyn says:

      I am at a loss for words right now, but I’ll try my best to explain. I have been living in this battle for 9 years now. However, I just recently discovered that my ex has Anti-Social Personality disorder. I kept wondering, “what is wrong with me?” So many things I have been through, I can’t even begin to discuss because it will stir up all of those emotions again. All of these stories just verify that the boy I fell in love with at age 14 has this mental disorder. I kept blaming myself, feeling sorry for him, feeling angry and then submissive, then back to being angry at myself. I finally got the strength to leave after living through hell, but unfortunately I still deal with him because of our wonderful children. I’ve been struggling with this internal battle, at times feeling afraid and thinking he’s so horrible, always on guard, shaking due to anxiety, and then switching my thoughts to “I’m being so ridiculous, dramatic & being mean to him. He’s just a normal guy” well…obviously I know better, but it’s still difficult at times. Short version: He is a drug addict, will not work, steals but doesn’t get caught legally, has burnt his bridges with almost every family member, owes over $4000 in child support (has never paid), no car, no home, etc.. Our agreement is 3 hours on Sunday’s at a certain location while I supervise. He does not call when he is suppose to, and for the past 2 months he has lost the ability to go to our visitation location because he stole from his mother (it’s at her house). He tries to tell me that it’s my choice to do visitation. We don’t have to go to his moms, I can meet at a park. So it’s all on me! And if I say NO of course he tries every tactic to change my mind, which is exhausting. The times I have agreed, I feel unsafe. The times I don’t, he leaves me alone but I worry that he will oneday blame me (since they don’t ever take blame for anything) and come after me. He has threatened in the past that he will “hunt me down” if I take away his kids… But that’s the thing, how is he even a father to them? What scares me is that he has a dependency on them. He tells me “they are the only people who will always love me, and will never abandon me.” Just last Christmas he wanted to see them, and it wasn’t because he had presents or wanted to see them because it’s Christmas… It was because “I can’t be alone on Christmas, come on, you can’t let me be alone.” Always about HIM! It’s scary and unhealthy. What happens if they finally decide they don’t need him? Will he hurt them? He was physically abusive to me when we were together but hasn’t been for the past 3 years..So I don’t know what to think or what to expect. Always worrying, always on guard.. I want full custody of my children…I don’t need him, I don’t need child support (even though I’ll never see it anyway) I just want my children, and to no longer be subjected to him, and most importantly I want to protect them from his sadistic, manipulative, lying behavior. The drugs just add to this already dangerous issue. I have documented his visitation violations but I am scared to take him to court because if they rule against what I am asking, he will be hostile towards me. Can you please give me advice? Do I have any real chance of the judge ruling in my favor? Or should I just keep hoping and praying he goes away? :( Goodluck to all of you and I’m sorry any of us have to deal with this. It’s very unfair, and not at all what I expected in my life.

      • Peace247 says:

        Dear Lyn,
        I understand completely your comments about always being on guard, shaking due to anxiety, and then telling yourself that you are being dramatic. This is what happens to those that have been so affected by a sociopath. I even had the court appointed guardian ad litem label me as “reactive” in her court report. Although there was much more (and much of it very inaccurate and poorly written), that one phrase is what my children’s father and his attorney focused on. It has taken so very long, but the judge finally recognized what was happening and stated in court that I was being hyper vigilant in order to protect my kids, and rightly so. Validation FINALLY was a physical relief.

        You are absolutely right to be nervous about going through the court system to change your court order. It is always a risk, particularly because the very people that should be working WITH us to protect our children are clueless as to what a sociopath truly is and what they are capable of. I believe you do have a chance though, especially because you have stated that you have documented his visitation violations. If you are able to consult with an attorney, I recommend it. Although, again, you need to find one that has SOME understanding of what you are dealing with and the damage to your children. I would not count on your ex-husband going away. A sociopath does use his own children and if that is his tie to you and he can keep engaging you in some way, he will.

        I’m sorry it’s so discouraging. I believe the more we support each other and educate ourselves, the more we will be able to advocate for ourselves and our children and maybe even others. The court and all involved in the legal system need to become better educated. Good luck to you and feel free to come back for support.

        Jen

      • Donna says:

        Lyn, Nothing is wrong with you. Nature/God gives you that desire to do and be good. Sociopath’s do evil and fall asleep, cause they do not nor ever will see the common good only what they call a game that they believe and might win. I have 20 years of experience. Left 10 ago. But, he was always sick, charming and then would beat me and hold me down. My face/head, eye swollen shut, police, DVI’s and yet no one can protect you. I am scared too. What you do! Do not know yet!

    • Sally says:

      Hello…I have a sociopath story and I thought it was just me because the things that have transpired seem like a movie. I am currently in court trying to save my relationship with my son but my sociopathic ex was able to gain custody by making up false charges and calling child services… I got the case reversed but by then five plus years have passed… In the entire time my ex has refuse to go the family therapy, produce my son for psychological evaluation, or visitations…now my son is saying he doesn’t want visitation and no one will make him…. the courts are very complacent when it comes to claims of mental health… I am very sad for my son and all children who have to go through this…I just pray he isn’t also going to grow up to be a sociopath… I created a blog its therapy and maybe it can help someone else.

    • Danica says:

      So scary!!! There’s nothing scarier than sending a child to live (even if “only” for a few days at a time) with a sociopath! Feel free to visit my website http://torn-whybatteredwomenstay.com/ for an additional sounding board. We need to change the court systems, stick together and make our voices heard! It is SO scary and frustrating!

  4. anna jones says:

    My heart breaks for everyone of you above. Keep praying and know that thia will get better. I am also in a custody battle with my husband(soon to be ex) and it is terrorizing everyday to go through. Mine walked into my life four years ago with his Jude Law baby face, instantly charmed me and drug me into his narcissistic manipulating web of lies. He stole from my roth ira, cheated when I was pregnant wasting $6000 and also while pregnant received a phone call from his own cell phone from a prostitute crying saying my husband had raped her and hit her in the eye.(which I couldn’t record, the only witness to hearing it is my stepdad) He faked letters of recommendations. from senators to get high paying jobs bc he doesn’t even have a ged. He has multiple family
    violence arrests and is now on superior court probation for aggravated assault. I have the.most precious daughter with him who deand court very soon. The last thing he said to me was “what proof do you have” with a smile on his face. He’s also has never helped me or our financially…not even a dollar,

  5. anna jones says:

    I also meant to add above that the only money I’ve ever seen him spend of his own, and a lot of it, is for the child custody attorney he hired against me. If you have seen the movie Lincoln lawyer…he is a twin of Ryan Philippe’s character. I can already tell by his attorneys emails to my attorney, he is going to make me sound like a horrible mom bc I won’t let my poor ex see them and that since the cases against him were mostly dropped in the past– he is and will be a great dad. Not to mention the time he let mase off in my house the last time we were around him and was abusive to me around our daughter. I walked out and never looked back. I fear everyday for the future of my precious little girl. She is my entire life. and deserves a life filled with love, joy, empathy, and everything great in the world. Can anyone give me any helpful tips for court? This isn’t just the personality of a “Scott Peterson” or “O.J. Simpson”. It’s both, mixed with the most extreme case of narcissistic anti-social personality I’ve seen in my field of psychology.

    • Peace247 says:

      Hi Staciahilton, Thanks so much for your comments and for reading and supporting everyone. This is a horrible process to go through. I cannot believe what the father of my children has gotten away with either. They have no problem lying, even to the courts, when a normal person would not even consider it. The kids are the ones that suffer the most because the courts do not recognize emotional abuse enough and because the sociopath only cares about winning, not really being a caring father. It is so hard when you see your child wanting the attention and love of a normal father because they really do love the other parent. If you have an attorney that will fight for you, you are lucky. It is so hard to explain what happens. The only thing I can recommend is have a tape recorder with you whenever you have to deal with him, try to have another neutral person present, and document, document, document. It is tedious sometimes and hard to keep your emotions out of it and keep it factual but you really have to. You will get through this! Come back to comment whenever you want to, I check the site regularly now and am still in the middle of it myself.

      • Lauren says:

        I can completely relate to everyone. I.dont need to go into.specifics because you guys have said it all. The only difference is my sociopath did prison time and spent every min in the law library. He keeps filing paperwork to try to get my boys and it scares the hell out of me. I need help. My boys need protection but it the judges always fall for his crap. He just talked himself out of a 15 yr prison sentance. He has also threatened to kidnap my boys. I dont know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated. It seems like no one will listen to the reality of how insane he really is.

        • Peace247 says:

          Dear Lauren ~ I can only imagine the difficulties of going up against a sociopath who has time on his hand to learn the legal aspect. It’s not like they don’t talk a good a talk anyway. I do understand very well how no one listens to the reality you are living. It’s crazy because even though we know “they” are the insane ones, we are the ones who labeled that way and often treated that way. That’s why our bodies get sick and that’s why women who go through this often feel like giving up, or actually do give up.

          There are many people who have posted to this site who will believe you and can offer support. If you want to come back to give updates for the simple purpose of validation feel free to do that. In the mean time, keep documenting, keep reporting, keep every fact written down. Don’t give up!

        • Donna says:

          Stay strong. They want to play a crazy game. Get the control out of their hands.

  6. L.D. says:

    I’m reading all of these comments and thinking that I’ve finally found people who are going through this and understand. It’s very disheartening though to see that we are all having the same problems in court with child custody. I thought maybe it was just because I live in a small town that our court system seems incompetent, rewarding the sociopathic parent for continued lies and manipulation. Apparently it is a widespread failure though. This scares me even more. It now seems almost hopeless. I don’t know how to protect my daughter from her psycho father when the courts refuse to see that he is a sociopath. Does it ever get better? What are we supposed to do?

    • Peace247 says:

      Hi L.D. ~ I know it can be so disheartening, especially to read that so many have had the same experiences. I think you are right and that it is way more widespread than anyone realizes. The people that should be there to “help” don’t seem very interested. In fact, I often feel like I’m just another case number to them. That’s why it is so very important to keep going, keep fighting, keep protecting. I honestly don’t know what the “right” answer is and I get discouraged and worn down and feel like giving in/up a lot. But then I see my kids go to their visits with their dad and come home and I know I have to keep pushing through. I have learned to keep very detailed visit logs, including the many text messages, phone calls, drives by my house, etc. The court/judge is finally beginning to see, I think, and that has given me some hope.

      I think it will get better, but we have to stand up, we have to support each other, we have to be a voice. Please let me know how you are doing and feel free to write any time.

  7. nadine says:

    I met and fell in love with a man that seemed perfect at first, he led me to believe he was a successful young accountant, single, never married and no kids. After falling pregnant things changed…he eventually confessed he had 2 children when i was 3 months pregnant..then at 8months pregnant i had to find out from a stranger that he was married (albeit separated). We r now 3 years into the relationship with a 18month old daughter and I have just uncovered that he has been lying to me about his age!! He shows no remorse for any of his lies and tries to manipulate every situation and make me out to be a liar. Help! Im at my wits end and just want rid of this person!!!

    • Peace247 says:

      Hi Nadine, Thanks for sharing. I’m so sorry you had to go through that when you were pregnant. Does your daughter’s father want to be a father? If so, I’m afraid you will have to go through court system and get an order in place. If you are lucky, you will get a competent attorney who will fight for what is best for your daughter. Be sure you have as limited contact as possible. In order to keep your sanity, refrain from any unnecessary contact. Sometimes these toxic/sociopathic people are absolutely relentless and it can be tiring, but do not engage. Don’t continue to try to figure it out or to defend yourself, it is pointless. I do wish you the best of luck in your situation and please come back for support when you need it.

  8. Nicole says:

    I found this website searching for help. I am a child of a Sociopath, as my mother is, and now at 29 years old I have finally realized everything all at once. I am evidence as to what these people can do to children, and why it is so important even though it’s so hard, to stick by your kids. You will be their only foundation, their only stability, and when they realize what has happened, their only shoulder to cry on. I knew things were not right growing up. My mother’s mental and emotional abuse towards us, her severe mood swings, I remember terror. We also lived with my Grandparents, and, while they did the best the could for us, they not only believed in the “Don’t air your dirty laundry” mentality, but also fed us excuses as to why mom was like this. It was always “She is sick, this isn’t really her.” or “She is mentally ill, she doesn’t mean to hurt you.”. In not “Airing our dirty laundry” that gave my mother the perfect means to control all and any information given out. Even other family members didn’t know what was happening. I was the “Non Compliant Spirit” and so I was an instant target starting around the age of 7. I refused to turn my head and pretend nothing ever happened. We were told we were the reason she wanted to commit suicide, that we stressed her out so bad she had to be institutionalized etc. As I got older the abuse got worse. When I would be in pain (emotional or physical) she would smirk or mock me. Once when I was young I had a kidney infection so bad I couldn’t sit, lay, or stand without sobbing. I woke her up and told her and she told me to “Shut up and go back to sleep!”. I woke my Grandmother up who took me to the hospital where I started vomiting from the pain. The infection was becoming septic. I had trouble with emotion, I did not like being touched, and I became very dark and angry at the world. I continually ran away to escape her. She did, after 15 years of my life, decide to move us out of my Grandparent’s house, the only stability I had. That lasted only months and during that time she kept me “grounded” and wouldn’t even let me see my Grandparents. That eventually led to some severe trauma ending with me being placed by the police back with my Grandparents. But legally, she was still my “Legal Guardian” and so she used the system to further abuse me. She had me sent to mental institutions many times, citing that I was homicidal and suicidal. In the state of Florida this is referred to as a “Baker Act”. No evaluation of me was done, no one spoke to me, the judge that signed the papers never even laid eyes on me. My Grandparents tried to protect me and keep the police from taking me and there was nothing they could do. Then she started taking my Grandmother and I to court to force me to take medications. Psychotropics at that, and by this time I was only 16. She used “Gaslighting” frequently, and was very good at it. She used it on police, judges, therapists, etc. No matter what happened, I was the bad child. I was the agressor. If she hit me and I threatened to call the police, she would grab the phone, state that “I will do it for you!” and tell them I had hit her. I was 16, who were they going to believe? Any “bonding” or emotion shown towards me was obviously put on. My memories are still vague at best, but I have flashes that are coming back. I still can’t place them. I have already been diagnosed years ago with PTSD. By the time I turned 18, I was gone within the same month, 14 hours away. Over the course of the past 10 years being away, I changed alot. Things faded from my memory, the pain subsided a bit, and 4 years ago my Grandmother died. I spent 2 weeks in ICU with her. She was my rock, my foundation, and all the morals I have today are because of her. I called her everyday. When I had a son, anytime I was worried about him or he was sick, I immediately called her. While she was in the hospital she wanted me to promise her I would take care of my Grandpa, and make sure he ate. I promised. Later that week she died suddenly. I felt so alone. I would grab the phone out of habit and cry. Without realizing it, I began talking to my mom frequently. She put what she wanted me to see and hear out there of course, and I chose to believe the lie. There were still things I noticed when we would visit. Her lack of emotions towards my boys. If any emotion was displayed, it was obviously superficial. After 3 years of Grandpa surviving off of Bologna and cheap hotdogs, we made the grueling decision to move in with him….and my mother. I emphasized the point that the house would have to be a safe environment for them. My mother even stated that we would set boundaries. We would be a big family and it would be all of our house. I bought it and we moved. My husband left a job as a Sr. Chemical Operator for an Army Ammunition’s Plant making great money, we left our house, and we left our lives and moved 14 hours away. To make a long story short, our lives have fallen apart. My mother ended up torturing me to no end. It got so bad my husband would have to “shadow” me around the house so she didn’t catch me alone. Then we got to where we would just stay gone all day and come back only to sleep. When I finally opened my eyes, I started researching. I found material about Parental Psychological Abuse and started sobbing. It was like reading about the story of my life. While it was freeing to know I wasn’t all alone, the statistics for kids like me were devastating. I continued to read and stumbled on information about Sociopaths and Psychopaths. This was the story of my mother. One thing had always plagued me. The look on her face when she was “Going to make you pay.” Completely devoid of human emotion, only contempt and a sneer or smirk. I never understood how anyone could cause their “loved ones” pain and take pleasure in it. This explained alot. I tried to warn my Aunts (her sisters) and my husband, but of course no one took it seriously. I told my Aunts to stay away. One of them believed she could change her, if she could just talk and reason with her. She said my mom had so much potential and good in her. I told her again to stay away. I would have thought that my Aunt, having worked with mental health patients for many years would have seen this, but she has a good heart and believes in the good of others. After several extremely abusive verbal attacks by my mother on that same Aunt, our time in my Grandfather’s house ended on Labor Day weekend of this year. My mom assaulted my Aunt. Violently. She shoved her multiple times, punched her in the face, cornered her in the kitchen, and when my Aunt escaped into the livingroom my mom chased her and shoved her on the ground, punching her and eventually biting her left arm so badly the bruise wrapped around her arm. Almost all of it in front of the kids. Her two “Grandkids” and my Aunt’s youngest who was 14. After I called the cops and got outside with the kids, completely unable to help my Aunt what-so-ever (my Aunt used tactics she had learned to diffuse situations with mentally ill patients, none of which worked, they only served to empower my mother. She even continued to back up with her hands up) I realized what I had done. I held my cousin while we sat on the front porch hearing it all and still helpless, while she cried so hard she was shaking. I looked into my son’s eyes and saw the fear and pain I had promised when I was pregnant with him that he would never experience. I moved my family here. I hurt my kids by letting her near them. We had to move out literally within a day. My Grandpa bailed her out of jail. I will never understand why, but to make matters worse, I had been searching for her gun in her room and I never found the gun, only the bullets. We are now technically homeless, my 9 year old is in trauma therapy, my husband still has not gotten a job but has recieved a billion rejection emails, and we just took the last draw from our 401k. He has no retirement left. $60,000 gone. I thought paying the bills at my Grandpa’s, buying all the food, getting him things to make him happy, was the right thing to do. But i did it at the expense of my family. I qualify for no help, no therapy, no medicaid. We have a house that we lived in previously and could not sell it, so we tried to rent it out, except the renter did not pay rent. He owes us over $5,000 in rent that we will never see. We live in an RV behind my Aunt and Uncles house. Slowly, over a course of about 22 years, I am finally putting the puzzle pieces together. It’s like a 1,000 piece puzzle with no pictures on it. I am falling apart, no one can guide me through this. I mourn for what i never had in my mother and what never will be. I cry when we pick my son up from school and I see all the mother’s holding their kid’s hands. My inner child is still suffering. All I keep hearing is “I’m sorry we can’t help you.” My life is wrecked. Additionally, the trial date is set for November 19th, and it is going to be extremely bad. My Aunt has called and checked on my Grandpa twice since we have been gone, never once speaking to my mother. He told my Aunt the reason he hadn’t called was because my mom had told him the PPO made it illegal for HIM to call us. My Aunt explained this was not true. Then we recieved a letter from my mom’s attorney requesting us to “cease and disist” contact to his client’s residency. She needs my Grandpa isolated. I failed him, I failed my Grandmother, my kids, myself. What I feel cannot be explained. I still have nightmares in which she is laughing at me while I cry. Please know that all you guys are doing in your children’s lives, it isn’t in vain!! And, if they do not see it now, who that person truly is, they will. Be there to catch them. They will need it. Bless all of you for sticking it out for your kids. I had my Grandparents thank God (my Dad was not in the picture either) but unfortunately my Grams was not here to catch me now. I cling to hope. To a life I have created in my head that we will have again. It’s all I have left.

    • Peace247 says:

      WOW! Thank you for your perspective. You have survived a nightmare. I cannot imagine what you must be going through right now. I do know what it feels like to keep hearing “we can’t help you”. With the support and love of your children and your husband you will persevere. I’m so sorry for your grandfather. I hope he is protected now and that your mother will be charged. Please feel free to come back here to share, or to vent, or whatever you need.

  9. MommyA says:

    In reading these experiences,I’m saddened by what my daughter will have to go through. One commonality is see is that all of these sociopaths showed their true colors during pregnancy. It started when I was 3 months. He took no interest in his unborn child,starting giving me the silent treatment,and withheld sex. We moved into a one bedroom apartment,and he would rather sit outside all day if I was home. He never went to one doctors appointment with me. When I showed him my first set of sonogram pictures,he put them aside and said he will look at them later. I delivered my daughter by myself,as he refused to be in the delivery room. On the day he came to take us home he was rude to the staff who were being happy for two new parents. He took the base of the carseat and just put it in the back without bothering to secure it. The nurse who wheeled me down ended up having to do it. He drove way to fast to have a newborn in the car. He dropped us home and took off for the rest of the day. That was three months ago. His disinterest in the both of us continues to this day. He leaves us her with no transportation for days at a time,with no calls to see if we are ok. I’ve finally had enough,I’m just sad she will have to grow up without a normal father. Sometimes I feel like the world would be better off if all sociopaths just put a bullet through their evil little warped minds. They are demons in human form.

    • Peace247 says:

      Dear MommyA,
      Thank you for reading and leaving a comment. I understand how difficult your situation is. If you can look at it from a positive perspective (I know it’s hard), you are fortunate that the sociopath has shown little interest in your daughter. You are right, she absolutely deserves to be loved and doted on by her father but a sociopath is not capable of that type of true love. I have been in the opposite situation where my children’s father pays too much attention for all the wrong reasons and it has taken a huge emotional, financial, and physical toll to get away.

      I agree with you wholeheartedly that sociopaths are evil and serve no purpose but harm to others. Good luck to you and your precious daughter.

  10. MommyA says:

    Good luck to everyone dealing with their sociopath in court.

  11. EGM says:

    I adopted my daughter at six years old. She is now 22. She has all the characteristics of a sociopath. My worry now is that she just had a baby. She is a single mom. I called child protective services about some of her behavior with the baby. But they did not think I had enough evidence of abuse or neglect.Prevention is not their concern. She lives about one and a half hours away, so I can’t see the baby that often. Any ideas?

    • Peace247 says:

      Dear EGM ~ I’m sorry for your situation, it must be heartbreaking. Does your daughter have support with the baby? If not, maybe she will decide she wants help from you. A sociopath is not necessarily violent but is extremely manipulating so the emotional health of your grandchild would be a big concern. Try to see the baby as often as you can and document any concerns. If there are signs of any abuse be sure to report it. It’s very sad when you know a child is living in a situation that can cause damage. Showing the baby what it is to by truly valued and loved will help. You can be a safety net. I wish you and your grandchild the very best.

  12. Lovetofysh says:

    About 4 years ago, I met and fell head over heels in love with a man. We both had been married before and had 2 children from the previous marriages. He was perfect. Very attentative to my kids and to me, and always had the perfect thing to say. During te relationship, I started to notice that this “perfect” man didnt really show any kind of emotion when he had upset someone and his ego seemed to sky rocket through the roof, he could “do no wrong.” Any time we disagreed or something bad happened, it was instantly my fault. Then the words came… He would belittle me to no end, curse at me and call me things that I would never repeat. But he’d flip not to long later and become the sweet man, as if nothing ever happened. I ended up pregnant with his son. I spent 3 months in the hospital on bed rest for complications. during that time, he had nothing to do with my daughters (my mom took care of them), put 10,000 miles on my ar and scratched up the interior, brought home 13 dogs, and wouldnt get to the hospital to see me until 11pm or later. After my son was born, The first two weeks, he wouldnt put him down. After those two weeks, he would disappear at all hours of the night and have nothing to do with any of us. I found out later that he had been cheating on me with different women, even while I was in the hospital with his baby. What drew the line was that he had become horrible to my youngest daughter. He would call her names and even threw a gatorade bottle at her. I moved out. He continued with his affairs and then came crawling back. Begged, said he would go to counseling, go to AA for gis drinking and so on. Again, he knew all the right things to say and I fell for it. Oh, he had also been through 4 different jobs by now so of course, needed money too. I was so stupid in letting him back in. We had an off / on relationship. He’d take off or get caught in a lie or with another woman and it was over. Then he pulled the slick super charming personality or the pityful needs help and regardless pf how wrong I knew he was for us, I’d take him back. One day when we werent together, he stopped by to see his son. His son had already gone to bed but I let him in anyway, hoping to be able to talk. That night, he forced himself on me. I hadnt been feeling well, had gone to the doctor and was on antibiotics so yes, my birth control failed. I am now 6 months pregnant with our second. Given his behavior and my mom confident in that I have spent the past 3 years as an abused wife who would not leave her husband, everyone said I needed to terminate. Bein a mother already, there was no way I could do that. He of course duped me into believing we were a family and we were going to do this, “the right way.” Days, even months went by and he continued to do his own thing while I sat helpless and pathetic begged him to spend time with us. the only response I would get was “F you” an again, all was my fault. He spent Thanksgiving with his friends drunk and ignored my family. He stopped by for about 20 minutes at his son’s first birthday. But on the phone, he would tell ne over and over that we are a family and this is what he wants and he loved all of us, etc. Just before Christmas, I recieved a text that said “LOL F You” and that was it, he was gone. He left his job, blocked our phone numbers and for several weeks, had gone missing. I sent him 3 emails in total asking if he was ok and called his work once to see if they had heard from him. Just a few days ago, a friend of his called me because he had posted pictures on his Facebook page with his new girlfriend (his mom’s horse trainer). I was in complete disbelief. To make things worse, he recently tried to get a restraining order on me for “harassing” him (thank goodness I never deleted anything) and for threatening to “kidnap” his son. Um, excuse me but I am the one in the same house with the same phone number, same routine, same work contact info… Kidnap? OH and it also said that he wasnt sure that his son was really his anymore. I have been in COMPLETE shock over this. Thankfully, I have a great attorney but for him to go this far and drag my name in the mud? With all this going on, his ex wife contacted me. She said that he did the exact same to her (when she was pregnant with their second, he ran to his mothers an found another woman. Then took her to Court). What I didnt know was that he owes $25,000 in back child support, is under child support enforcement with her, has had his DL suspended several times AND has been arrested several times. I also learned that he has a criminal backgroud, including vehicular homicide, that apparently he has no regret for because “it really wasnt his fault.” I am now terrified of this man. He has spent years lying to me and covering things up. He has ruined my credit, stolen from my kids and I and left me with a ton of medical debt. So many things are coming to light now and I am terrified to ever have shared parenting with him. I feel so stupid and my sel esteem is gone. My kids are my life, always have been, and they are the reason I get up every morning. I feel as though I have been played like a complete fool…. Every book I have read, article, or website on a sociopath hits home. There has not been one description of a sociopath that I have read that I have had the slightest bit of doubt on. I feel like they are all writing about this man. Is there a way to get a Judge to see that?? Shouldnt his past (even with his two other children) come into play? I am scared. I no longer know what he is capable of.

    • Peace247 says:

      Dear Lovetofysh,
      Wow, so familiar! I was so naive when I first tried to take my case to court. I thought that surely any sane person, and certainly a JUDGE, would see right through this sociopath (although at that time I did not know he was a sociopath). I thought for sure that his past would speak for itself. After all, he was the criminal, the scam artist, the illegal driver, the absent and/or abusive father with older children who wanted nothing to do with him, ect.

      When you are dragged so far down and in the mires of debt and depression and trying to actually be the stable and responsible parent, hope can seem very far off. Even though I am still going through the garbage, I believe that we all have got to keep pushing and trying. I feel like I have had to educate the so called “professionals” as to what a sociopath actually is and what they DO. I have had to do it delicately though, so as not to appear…..what? crazy? vindictive? I don’t know, but as time goes on you learn.

      If you haven’t already, I would suggest you start documenting. Write down everything you remember and everything that happens from now on. Try to keep the emotion out of it and keep it factual. The “court system” doesn’t want to hear how you feel. Our feelings are apparently not valid.

      Feel free to check back in for support. I hope you are taking good care of yourself for the little baby and if you have family around keep them close.

  13. Lovetofysh says:

    Im sorry. I have no idea how that posted twice.

  14. s says:

    Nicole’s story is familiar: my mother is also a sociopath. She physically, emotionally, mentally and sexually abused my sister and I. It is only in the last two years that we have come to realize the true extent of the abuse she perpetrated against us. I have been married for 13 years, my sister for 4, and we are just now discussing the trauma of our childhood. She (abuser) had convinced me my childhood memories were creations if my imagination, birthed from my abnormal psyche; attempts to get attention, symptoms of aspargers (?) or pandas or a brain tumor. She took me to multiple specialists, counselors, therapists as a child, but I only ever saw each one a single time: she always was angry when we left. I learned later that her anger was because none of them would diagnose me as messed up, but several requested some time with her.
    To make a long story short, my abuse is ongoing. When she felt that I was getting too independent of her, and maybe getting out of her reach, she did the unthinkable. My husband and I were moving to a different state so I could pursue a new career. My children were visiting her, as I had not come to grips with the truth about who she is as of yet. She filed an emergency restraining order against my husband and I, claiming we were abusing and neglecting our children. She had already contacted the cps, who had said there was nothing to prove her accusations, and they would not interfere. But the court granted her restraining order. Now two years later, she has gaslighted the judge, social worker, and ad lietem to the point that not one of our witnesses has ever been interviewed. My child says she (abuser) pushes them, punishes them, disconnects the phone, berates and belittles them, mocks them, frightens them, spanks them (my youngest for wetting the bed), etc. The court believes her claims of “just want them to be better parents” and “want them to get help”, but doesn’t see red flags in her refusal to be psycho analyzed or attend parenting classes. We have bent over backwards complying with every little hint the court representatives have made, with their spouting “it is our intention that thus family be fully reunited without any further intervention.” They have to say that; state law compels it. But they can drag the case out interminably.
    My husband and I lost our jobs, our home, our car, our friends, our family, our reputations, everything; all based on her word. We are tens of thousands of dollars in debt to attorneys who have done nothing for us, and pay her child support. And we get ten nights a month with our kids and continuous proof that they are currently being neglected and emotionally abused in her home. The court said she was to have our children in therapy, but she refuses to take them. And the court blames me for it.
    I know I could end it all right now just by going to her and giving her my life. Letting her control me and abuse me. But what message would that send my kids? I stay in this fight, hopeless and broken, just so I can tell my children that I didn’t give up.

    • Peace247 says:

      Dear Spider on the Rose ~ I can’t imagine what you are going through. Yes, keep fighting for your children, eventually they will understand. Thank you for reading and sharing.

  15. theresa says:

    I feel like I am reading my story. I have a child with my socio ex husband. Up until this week when I found all of these blogs and stories like mine I was still letting him in. Although he isn’t violent to me anymore he threatens it in every argument. Realizing that he will not ever get better nor will he ever be what my child and I need has made it easier. It’s been 5 days and I have not contacted him at all and that is a miracle after 9 years of me begging him to come home. I thank you all for sharing your stories, it has helped me heal.

    • Peace247 says:

      Dear Theresa, Good for you for researching and seeking out validation and support! You will continue to heal as you become stronger. Best of luck!

  16. Donna says:

    How do you make the sociopath stop? How do I ever get anyone to beleive the crazy gaslighting stories? How do you tell a court? How do you catch them walking in your yard? I have learned to avoid and go on, but my kids are doing the same thing. In hopes he will go away. Yet, the court might make the kids see him. They are scared to disagree w/him. Hope to I help it stop for us all?

    • Peace247 says:

      Dear Donna, How do you make a sociopath stop? The short answer is …you don’t
      How do you ever get anyone to believe the crazy gaslighting stories? Sometimes you can’t, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be documenting and tell someone you trust.
      How do you tell a court? If you have money, try to hire an attorney that believes you and has experience dealing with a sociopathic case. For me personally it has taken years of documenting each instance of craziness. Over time the sociopaths lies will start to become apparent.
      How do you catch them walking in your yard? I’m not sure I understand…does he actually come onto your property? If so, invest in a video camera and alert the local authorities. If you are able to get a restraining order, do it.
      The best advice I can give is to have as little contact as absolutely possible. Have many conversations with your children to help them find their voice. Seek counseling with someone who has experience with your situation, don’t waste your time or money with someone who doesn’t, it will only increase your frustration.

      Come back when you need to vent or have questions. I’m happy to support in any way I can. Best of luck to you and your children.

  17. Donna says:

    What would make them not want to do this/all this to me/kids/his brother/his Dad? Everyone is here to help us from the crazy sociopath. Yet, he must be smarter. Because none of us can make him stop. In kindness, avoiding, court orders, police and his own kids begging him to stop. I was told by him that he will kill me, put my body in a black trash bag and no one could find me. He walks in our yard weekly, follows me, leaves messades in our home. But, because he was husband and his prints are on everything, there is nothing I can do except, keep him here untill the police get here. I feel as if I am asking for the trash bag, because I want to prove. I am starting to beleive this will not stop. Someone must have made them stop. How????

    • Peace247 says:

      Donna, I’m so sorry I can’t give you a solid, absolute answer. This is why, statistically, those involved with sociopaths have a higher likelihood of committing suicide. It almost seems like the only way out sometimes. I feel like a broken record, but document, document, document. Be specific and detailed and make sure someone else knows you have a “journal” of documentation. Report threats to police so there is a “paper trail”. Sometimes it seems like forever before something is done, but stick with it. When you are able, avoid all contact and do not engage. They do these things to the people they should be protecting and loving because they have no conscience and no remorse. They DO NOT care and they want to win. If that means making your life miserable and full of fear, so be it, they don’t care. It’s hard to wrap your head around because it’s not how normal people operate. Don’t drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out and don’t make your body sick. Focus on your kids as much as you can. You CAN get through it!

      • Donna says:

        Thank you for words. You don’t have to read all this, but I have to write it.
        My son has to testify with the CAC tomorrow and 3rd time for the kids DVI is the 21st. This is me just telling or writing. I am tired of doing things the right/correct way. I know it is the only way. We all try; know what is right, but when a sociopath is targeting you and your kids. It is hard for the police, courts, child protection, agencies’ or anyone to help who. All I can do is keep going and know that every road has an end. This is just the longest road/tunnel with no lights, exits and no signs telling you where or when the road ends. I have been told to keep going, get a gun and write down everything, which seems like the sociopath wins and always will. With everything the is going to happen in just this next week, I thought I need to write this short story below.
        The police took my husband away in May 2012. That day my Mom came to drop off my 3 and 13. Then she saw my burses, so she was yelling at him and I was able to find my cell and call 911. I got a DVI the next day, and the Dad was allowed to see the boys for 8 hours (pick-up/drop-off at police station) for time-sharing. I filed for Divorce in June. He kept and is still breaking the injunction (breaking in home, following me, killed our outside dog, and so much more). Yet, with all calls to the police, they could not prove it was him. The things that they can prove were not enough for The DA to prosecute. His prints are all over. Someone else could have poised dog. Someone else could break-in (only few worthless items that he knew I liked were gone/ and things moved-like chair flipped over). The windows, doors, chain lock screws stripped, cameras moved (but no picture of him doing it), going through the trash and everyday messing with me and boys could be all explained maybe. My brother stayed with me a while. Everyone is in fear. I slept on the floor and in different places in the house; because he has many guns and has always told me for years he can kill me and no one could prove it. My husband’s brother and Father are scared for me and the kids. So, Uncle Joe (his brother) moved in our home in July for protection. Through all this my boys are only with him for 8 hours every Saturday. Both boys did not want to talk about their day, just wanted to go straight home. 3 years old wet his bed every Sat. night and cried in middle of night. He would also say bad people are coming and hide under the table. The 13 year old couldn’t stand it, but had to do it. It was court ordered. The police can’t stop him. And, we felt better with Uncle Joe here, but it didn’t stop. So, I filed a motion for contempt in September. This just got passed around from Judge to Judge. During all this my husband called Child protection twice. The first was dropped because none of it was true. I have report. The second was also found un-true and started investigating my husband. CPID, tried to get husband mentally evaluated and file for dependency for me to get the kids away from him for those 8 hours. It just takes a long time to prove as they said. In January this year I filed a motion to modify my DVI, for the kids not to see him until he gets help or the kids can be supervised during visit. Uncle Joe got his own DVI. February, I filed a motion for emergency no contact order. We have not been to mediation, therefore Judge said to go get kids DVI, but has to deny it in Family Law/dissolution of marriage. Next day filed a DVI on each child’s behalf as MNBF. We have been to DVI Court 2 times and 3rd is coming March 21st. CPID has closed the second case today. I think so I can get a copy of the case and let the courts handle it. At least the kids don’t have to go with him now temporary.
        My oldest son (Asperser’s and ADHD) is 13 and has to be interviewed by the CDC tomorrow, per the Judges request. He is afraid. But, I know that he will just go tell the truth, but he gets scared that his Dad is bigger and he will have to go see him again and just deal with it. And, wants to know how he will pay for telling the truth if they don’t do anything. If the CDC, doesn’t believe that his Father has used violence nothing will be done. This child hides a golf club under his covers to sleep. I spoke to him and told him that he will be ok (like people tell me).
        I could not get pregnant and had IVF twice and took 6 years to have my 1st child, which is 13 now. 1st 5 years of marriage, he did get help and was diagnosed bi-polar and mantic depressant. He was dying, had thyroid cancer, needed medicine, needed someone to care for him. When, my boy was 3 I left/filed my 1st DVI and divorce 10 years ago. I always covered everything up. For the kids, because I am being weak, embarrassed &/or just to save the family. Court made me take the house back and made him leave the house. I return to both dogs taken to the pound and husband put them down that same day the court ordered. My cat could not get up/walk/skinny. House trashed. Holes in most walls, every door and just generally trashed. A year goes by and my husband went through fatherhood training, vocational school, got a job and seemed better. So, I gave him another chance. Because I guess like the police/court everyone, I just explained things away and wanted my son to be able to be with his father.
        1993 married, 1999 IVF child, 2001 quit my job, 2002 left, 2004 back, 2007 quit my job, 2009 had my 2nd child (wasn’t able to have children), 2010-2012 hiding burses, walk around sociopath, taking care of baby and autistic 13 year old, caring for the sociopath that is always sick, lying and gas lighting everything (but he needed medication, his mom calling to make sure that I woke him up by noon). He would even take the battery out/reprogram/break things so he could say how his remote is broke again on and on too get me out of the house. I noticed my autistic child (addrall and night meds) are gone and my husband is up fixing one of holes he put in the wall and calling everyone telling them the good work he has done.2012 police took him away and I am in the middle of court/police reports/journals and fear that he will kill me just so he can win. It is 2013.
        He again slowly used intimidation, charm, threats and our love. Started sleeping in a chair by the front door, unplugged the phones sometimes, would hide my car keys, hid my cell phone, and warned me not to do whatever and if I did tell anyone anything that myself and the kids would pay.

  18. Shana says:

    I will have to post my story seperately because I’m trying to do this from my phone but I have been with my “s” off and on for four years. Were both still very young in our early twenties. I have a one and a half year old daughter with him and I am now pregnant with his son. The night I met him I could tell there was something weird about him and I had a bad feeling but I gave in since he kept begging to be with me and ended up falling for him thinking he was the first boyfriend that actually truly loved me. He admitted to me that he had been sexually abused as a child by his father who made him act out sexually with his sister at a very young age. Also that if we ever had kids he was afraid because of statistics that he could end up doing it to them. Shortly after I started noticing his anger problems. It.started with a slap in the face, then pushing me up against my car while I was first pregnant which I called the cops for and they have it documented. Soon after my daughter was born while I was living with my mother & brother, (my mom hates him & is the one who told me about him being a sociopath) (my father is also one)
    one.evening my mom came home angry started an.argument with me about my daughter & he intervened by cussing my mom out and pushing her out of my room.
    He called the cops after my brother threatened to break
    down my door. The cops put a restraining order on him coming back to my moms house & I was still my mom although I didn’t really want to leave

    • Peace247 says:

      Dear Shana, Thank you for sharing your story. Your situation sounds so difficult, I’m so sorry for your children. You need to try to be strong and get yourself away from this man so you can focus on rebuilding yourself. Staying in the midst of drama will keep you trapped. You can’t change anyone else so work to make yourself healthy. Best of luck to you, feel free to come back for support.

  19. Shana says:

    .. that night I left with him and the baby & we stayed at one of his co-workers houses. I told my mom I wasn’t coming home anytime soon so she called child protective services and they came and took my 5 week old baby girl away from us. She was put in foster care for 3 weeks until the judge ordered that both me & her be sent to live with my boyfriends aunt and uncle an hour and a half away. So we lived there for a year, and our case with child protective services stayed open until a few months after me & him moved in together which was almost a year ago. During that time there also was another incident that happened at an amusement park where he was acting out violently toward me, somebody called security and he ended up getting arrested that night. The charges were dropped, but our apartments say that the battery charge came up when they did the background check this time. (We live in income based) so it is required. So our lease is non-renewable and we will have to move out in a few months although I was already planning on moving out anyway to the next county, he doesn’t know I’m planning on leaving without him and would try to stop me or take away the kids if I do which I know won’t happen but the only problem I’m having right now is that he controls all of my money, my bank account, my debit card. We just bought a new car which is in my name and so is the other one. He’s trying to take out all of the money in my savings account to pay for the cars tag and title. I need that money in order to move without him though. I also need for him to agree to put the other car in his name so I won’t be reliable for it if something happens but he refuses to do that because his insurance will be way higher then mine. I really don’t want to have to call the police and have him be sent to jail before I give birth to our son. I really don’t know what to do right now besides pray. Can anyone help me?

    • Shana says:

      Also I know he has the money to pay for the cars tag and title but he says I should be the one to pay it since its in my name. How do I stop him from taking this money out of my savings account and get him to pay it for me? Take away the keys to the other car? Threaten to leave him? Threaten to sell the other car? I know if I do any of these things he will explode and I will most likely end up having to call the police.

  20. Heaven says:

    Hello, I am 22 years old and grew up with a sociopathic mother and after a VERY HARD and GRUELING process, my grandmother finally got permanent custody of me until I was 18. Right now I am in a situation where my 11 year old brother is now left with her. I haven’t had any contact with him for a couple of years because she didn’t want me telling him that it was ok to be open with me or anyone else about the abuse at home. However, my mother allowed him to stay with my grandmother (under certain conditions that obviously benefitted my mother) and in that short amount of time that he was in my grandmothers care ( about a month) , he was very open about how his life has been with my mother. My brother is over weight because my mother feeds him hot fries and donuts for breakfast, meanwhile she just had lapband surgery. She wouldn’t was his clothes for weeks at a time and then call him fat and smelly and make fun of his “boobs”. He has some severe developmental and learning disabilities because she has neglected him over the years and he has been confined to only her…no other family. She has body slammed him, grabbed him by his hair and threw him on the floor, beat him with plastic toys on his bare back and chest, tells him everyday that life would be better without him and I for one have been through all of this with her already. My brother told me that he would be happier if she just died.
    My mother badgered and threatened him until she knew everything that was discussed between my grandmother, he and I. Of course she took him out of my grandmothers home immediately and we had no contact. He wore the same clothes to school that entire week because she made up excuse after excuse about how she was too busy to get them, but we all know it was a form of punishment. I called CPS informed them of ALL OF THIS. They did talk to him and they decided that there was no problem because she is in fact VERY charming and lies like the best of them.
    Since you work for social services I am curious for your advice on something. Just how the hell do I prove to social services that if my brother isn’t out of that home for good, he will end up dead, or one day killing her, or even hurting someone at school because he is constantly picked on all the time because of the neglect. How can I prove this when she has brainwashed my brother to not tell a soul.

    I need serious help.

    • Peace247 says:

      Dear Heaven, I am so sorry for your brother’s circumstance. Unfortunately, the whole “system” is so broken there are many, many more just like him. What I would suggest is that you document everything you can, as often as you can. If you keep reporting significant instances, perhaps they can verify with the school? It would be best for him to tell his story of course, but I understand why he doesn’t. It’s hard to trust yourself, let alone anyone else, when life has been so cruel.

      Every chance you get, remind your brother how much you care and let him know of your own experiences. It might finally give him the courage to speak up. Listen to him and validate his reality.

      Let me know how it goes!

    • Donna says:

      Hey so understand!!
      I have custody of my 14 year old and 4 year old from the same man. He is crazy and plans the crazy things in his life. Along with his Mother. I am and have been trying to let them have a life. In the past it was always about the sociopath Dad and dramatic Mom-in-law. She does all the ditty work and he sits back, stocks, watches and just in general waits for me to make one wrong move. This is what sociopaths feed off of and their co-supports. My boys are finally doing good in school, are very healthy and have friends. These we were not allowed before. This is a new life for us all. To just see things like normal people instead of ducking and looking behind the crazy eyes. Thank you everyone. I have made it out. It can be done. My boys are out also. But, must watch because the sociopath will get you/them back in this crazy circle that is not called your life, it is called ONLY their life and you are just there. Don’t let it happen. Know who you are and what you want. Not what others want from guilt. Only do out of love not out of hate not to.

  21. Miss Lock says:

    Oh my goodness, what you have written sounds so clearly like my life. I have three children and met my husband at 16 years old. Sadly, in retrospect, I now know I was a target and so was my family. I had my first child prior to marrying this man and did not even give her his last name because I just didn’t know if I could marry him. . . something was off. . . everything was off. I did go on to marry him. We had a second child three years later. I was a wonderful, vibrant, happy mom and home maker for a good number of years. I ran a little shop which he ultimately sold right out from under me as a control tactic telling me that I had to be his secretary. I had gone to school to become a teacher but those dreams soon died because according to him teaching was not a good enough profession and did not earn enough to leave my children at home. Within 2-4 years of marriage, it was hell and I felt like I was living a nightmare every single solitary day and unable to escape. I did try to file for an online divorce three times but each time he found out. . . he would either put me down, tell me I was not leaving with the kids, or would show me tid bits of love to keep me there boasting of how he and the kids needed me. I stayed. Ultimately, 10 years into marriage we had a third child. Over the years life at home was hell. I did not move far from my parents ever because they were my salvation. I would continually call them to come and take the kids because similar to your situation it was not good at times. He would provoke a fight in some way shape or form (typically not in front of others but sometimes) but would do it with such charm, cleverness, and I would get so emotional. I would want to scream, cry, sleep it off, or just run and hide. Each and every time he saw me emotionally upset over it. . . he would give this smirk almost like “got you”. I still see that face. He was not around for the children except for an obligatory drive here or there as needed. He would help to drive to school but there was no love. . . no time for them. . no ball playing. . . or one on one attention. I really just wanted him to be a father and a husband. It was so confusing. Similar to your story, he would buy them gifts and tons of things to make up for it or dole out money as a manipulation tactic. Sadly, over the years, I had very little access to money and he controlled everything. Everything was a lie to the point of confusion. He was so utterly charming that some people would believe his every single word and I would just crumble. There were times I felt so isolated and that there was no place to go. I did go to my family as needed. I got to the point I could not even talk to friends for long periods of time because I became so manicly depressed over it. He would take bottles of St. Johns Wart and throw them at me and laugh. Everything for my husband was about money, business, possessions and his circle of followers. Ugh!!!! It almost sickened me.

    I still hear some of the words he would call me in my head. If I obeyed, there was no abuse. . but if I disobeyed or had a mind of my own or spoke out, I was every name in the book. . . a bad mother, a slut, a whore, a fat pig, a quitter, a loser. Trust me I was not perfect and it got to me so bad, I would react. I would cry. I would sometimes yell back just to be heard and thought it would just stop. It never did. I felt so trapped like I just could not escape.

    Over the years, it did make me over protective of my children but for true reasons. There were perpetual threats. I did try to call the police several times but everytime I would say I was going to call he would say “I will just say you hit me” or “I will turn this on you”. He would even chide me to do it. The threats were real. There were even threats to cut my throat out in front of my children by a business partner of his and followed up by my husband with more threats when I attempted to call the police. . . and then under attack.

    There are days when I don’t know how I made it alive. My body was slowly dying. I was trying to hang on for my children. My mind was so confused. My heart knew I could not leave these children with this man. . . they will never know love, they will be brainwashed and manipulated.

    I fell in to every pit fall he set up for me. Admittedly, I did turn to drinking wine to get myself to sleep at night. He loved this and I never knew why. . . because he would later use against me in divorce despite the fact that HE perpetually drinks. He also loved it because I would fall asleep and he would sneak out at night.

    I have come to finally find out (and finally sort of out of my numb bubble of protection) that my husband was having affairs for 15 years. He was having affairs with men. The signs were there, but I was always put right in my place. There were always the excuses. I was just jealous. Others were lying as they were jealous of him. I was “crazy” and delusional. I believed him. It turns out, he was having affairs and I was indeed correct.

    So why did he keep me there?

    I have now been in brutal litigation to divorce this man. He promised me that I better not divorce him and should just go. He wanted me to just leave. Surely without the children. I got money from family and filed for divorce. I had no access to bank accounts except a small one in my name. The cars were in his name so he took those. All utility bills were in his name and he had stopped paying months and months before. He was the only one who paid mortgages and he had been intentionally sending bad checks to them so it was so behind. He even cut the children and I off of the health insurance and left it as a single plan and told the Judge that too was cancelled for his inability to pay. He abandoned his businesses placing me there to act as a secretary while he started new businesses and threw things at me from left and right all while I could not even function. It just kept going. I did file. I hired an attorney but ran out of funds. He has endless funds and has an attorney that acts just like him. Yikes!!!! Initially, he said he just wanted liberal time with the kids and things were good. Well, he manipulated my daughter but things were good for my little guy. Little by little he got more and more and more time. I ran out of legal money because he used tactics that were disgraceful. He lied throughout everything. He would not give any discoveries. He would not adhere to any court orders but this was expected as it had been my life to keep me in the dark. He would not pay the support ordered. And in the meantime, then the “crap” began again. He began doing things that made me crumble again like married. He would not return our son to me and would tell the police I was making things up. He even hid him in the house of his lover. He began to follow me and my friends anywhere and my kids with a video camera stating that he was so in fear of me that he had to for protection; this just makes me laugh. He made claims that I stabbed him with a kitchen knife which is absolutely false. Someone robbed my house, kept breaking in, a mannequin dressed in his clothing was even placed in my garage. There were false arrest attempts on me and he even used my own daughter to make false claims. I then began dating which was nice because someone got to see what was going on but that was bad too; this poor innocent good man had to see things and bear witness to the abuses on me and the antics with the kids. He has disparaged me in front of my youngest son for years; my son would tell me dad says to call you crazy and to call you a psycho and a plethora of other names and actions. I even had damage done to my car which I can’t prove was him but it fell apart while I was driving and when he was supposed to give me a car (but I was supposed to inspect first) he dumped it on a property in the middle of the night with the windshield broken, entirely damaged, and the engine taken out and put on the front seat of the car. . . surely another torture tactic. (I got a warrant for my arrest for the dumping of the vehicle even though it was registered to him and done by him and had to post bail.)

    It just has never stopped with this man. . . never. In the end, it did bitchify me. I have been in over five years of therapy of all sorts even EMDR most recently. I have been on medication and tried everything which he now uses against me to prove that I am unstable.

    My husband even went so far as to sue me in a civil litigation for which I was never served claiming that I broke a breach of loyalty and had a perpetual oral contractual agreement to be loyal to him for the rest of my life or some nonsense like that. This is a man who exerts entire control over everyone around him.

    He most recently accused me of abusing my son (hitting him) and my boyfriend of choking him. The accusations continue. I have attempted to deal with the “collateral damage” for so long. My body is tired. My mind is shot. I have flashbacks over and over and over again.

    I go to Court. The Judge does not believe me. He doesn’t want to hear anything from me. I have no money to hire another attorney because I refuse to borrow money from family and friends because this is not their fault; I married him.

    There are days I feel stupid, naïve, ashamed, and so horrible for staying for so long. But at the same time, I think my only time to exit would have been right away. Within two years of marriage, he had set the wheels in motion to drive me to this point. He knew what he was doing every step of the way. I was in survival mode for so long.

    Well, just wanted to tell a little. . . sometimes it feels good to get a little bit of it out quietly just through typing. Talking about it retraumatizes me and I go in to a deep and dark place and don’t want to move. Thanks for listening.

  22. Michelle says:

    My dad is a sociopath, and I am just coming to grips with it now in my late twenties. I have had an awareness of his lack of love for me…now it’s hitting me like a 2×4. I have recovered from anorexia, but I still struggle with PTSD. In recent years, I thought he changed, but that was because I had limited contact with him. I just spent almost two weeks with him and tragically found out how wrong I was when he sexually abused me. He and I both pretended that it didn’t happen, just like we did when I was little. Now I am in counseling again. I am being adviced to break off contact with him but I don’t want to do that….I feel like I should help out my stepmom, because I know he is nicer when more than one person is with him. I don’t think she quite knows about him though…their marriage is still young. I want to say something to her but I can’t bring myself to. Has anyone tried warning their dad’s girlfriends/wives?

    • Peace247 says:

      Dear Michelle, I’m so very sorry for your situation and experience. It’s very difficult when we feel responsible to “warn” others about the behavior of the person we know all too well. Unfortunately, most times that won’t work. Most people have to go through the pain of the experience themselves before they will believe. This is partly because the sociopath will convince the other person to believe what they say or to believe that you are the unstable one. It’s a vicious cycle and very hard to sit back and watch. I urge you to listen to your counselors and avoid contact with someone who hurts you so much over and over.

      Please feel free to come back for support, my thoughts are with you.

  23. Aayah says:

    This is such such such a tragedy these horrible stories it truely saddens me deeply. the sociopath that preyed on me I’m kinda starting to believe he wanted revenge. becaue when we first met he debated with me and because perhaps I wouldn’t let him win the agruement he wanted revenge. the revenge was marrying me because he couldn’t destroy me by fornicating that’s against my moral as a religious women so he had to marry me. and he made me pay. he got me pregnant within a month of the marriage. he landed a job but stop going. he couldn’t control me so the hitting began. by the third month i knew something was wrong so I left fled to a DV shelter. got weak he found me got kicked out. but I didn’t go back with him I went into a general shelter. he put me through hell durin pregnancy just by not providing. he tryed to get me to move back with him so hard but the munipulation never worked on me. long story short I ended up having my baby going back with him. fighting him off of me fighting him and fighting him.
    I would not allow him to control me. he hated me for that and still do. I was afraid Iwould have killed him. I had him locked up and removed from the home we lived in. I did take him back. after. so much irresponsiblity and the lies and the deceit. was beyond belief.
    now I have a son by him he really wants nothing to do with him. we got divorce. and kept the apartment. I went to court saw that the system was on his side. they gave him access to continue abuse. and endanger my child. so after praying and just not feeling comfortable about the system Irefuse to go back to court for any reason at all. everything between us Iwill write out notorize and if he don’t sign he don’t see his son unless I am present. at the location I’m safe with. and as far as safety I already told the bastard if you try to come for me and my son Your dead. and I mean that with my life. and that’s a promise. Most judges and lawyers are sociopaths themselves. they hate children. Sad to say this is the world we live in. why is it that these cowards don’t terrorize men? becaue they are afraid. what make a women different? because we are weaker. weakness is in our mind that brainwash they mentally do to us. the longer we stay the more mental damage. I’m waiting for the bastard! and its gonna be one less sociopath walking the earth if he even try to harm me or my son. I hope every one here can just stay strong call on the Al mighty for help. the only one who can defeat the Devil is The Creator The Most High. thanks for letting me share

  24. hopeful808 says:

    This could have also been written by me. I’m dealing with such a manipulative brainwasher and his parents are also the same way. My story would be a movie with grown adults sneering evil sinister gas lighting moments I still feel a sense of horror when I relive the memory of my ongoing battle. My children I know are in danger I’ve done my utmost best to only exchange them at a sheriff station or through a witness. Feared in the past he would get them n nobody believe me. The nightmare I live with visitation. I pray we all come through this. Stay strong, live each moment to the fullest…we are at war with our own terrorist each day we have is a gift with our kids…when they are not with us because courts give them to the monster for visits I pray we all have strength to endure.

    • Donna says:

      Hey so understand!! I did child exchange at the sub-police station, then phone calls and now one 14 year old not ordered contact and a 4 year old that has to go to a child visitation place, when his Dad is available. Sucks for them both. Me yeah too.
      I have custody of my 14 year old and 4 year old from the same man. He is crazy and plans the crazy things in his life. Along with his Mother. I am and have been trying to let them have a life. In the past it was always about the sociopath Dad and dramatic Mom-in-law. She does all the ditty work and he sits back, stocks, watches and just in general waits for me to make one wrong move. This is what sociopaths feed off of and their co-supports. My boys are finally doing good in school, are very healthy and have friends. These we were not allowed before. This is a new life for us all. To just see things like normal people instead of ducking and looking behind the crazy eyes. Thank you everyone. I have made it out. It can be done. My boys are out also. But, must watch because the sociopath will get you/them back in this crazy circle that is not called your life, it is called ONLY their life and you are just there. Don’t let it happen. Know who you are and what you want. Not what others want from guilt. Only do out of love not out of hate not to.

      • hopeful808 says:

        I am thinking of filing contempt on child support..have been worried about retaliation though I’m so afraid he will hurt or kill our kids and just make it look like an accident ( he threatened this before) he owes me 95,000 pays little but mainly pays when going to court! I don’t know what to do. I relinquished a lot of mkneys half that amount in past and did not help with his constantly attacking me. He now keeps tabs on kids school n tried taking kids away its a nightmare and if they did put him in jail they give him visitation to punish me

  25. hopeful808 says:

    Peace247, an earlier post you mentioned the judge noted you are hyper vigilant ..that certainly describes me to a “t”. I have not said he is sociopath to court..but we point out the control issues. He owes over 100,000 in child support yet self employed and only now that he wants custody ( he never wanted kids he just uses them to continue his games w me n now its just money n to provoke fear as his threats and subtle threats linger… its hard to believe and so difficult to get lawyers to underatand. I often sound like the crazy one when I insist on protecting myself so closely in any dealings with him or that family. The girlfriend he has is either his brainwashed target victim or just like him I hope with her around he will at least b easier to deal with but she has been manipulative n deceitful with our children too. My oldest is so brainwashed and sometimes turns on me. Hyper vigilant indeed. If there is any miracle for me and my family I pray it comes soon. Thank you and love fraud for giving us a place to go and comfort each other. Sometimes other people don’t get it so easily n it helps when others share insight thank you all.

    • Peace247 says:

      Dear Hopeful808,
      When dealing with a true sociopath and your children, you have no choice but to become hyper-vigilant. It’s so scary to realize how the court system puts us in the position of being helpless to protect our children. And heaven forbid you actually tell the truth and use the word sociopath! You are right, we put ourselves at risk of being labeled “crazy” or worse.

      I am also thankful to be able to “listen” to others tell their own stories and for a place to offer support to one another. Maybe some time soon there will be enough of us to be able to make a difference in educating the courts, the attorneys, the GAL’s, etc.

      • Holeful808 says:

        Peace 247: what about a group with a psychologist to go to court with others simply for support? I don’t know but it seems to me if a persons case has a long history and non support that is a no BRAINER however in my case I am terrified my ex would kill his own children. He once did something intentially then said to me” well, if anything had happen to our child I would of just claimed she was in your possession at the time”. Such horror but hard to prove. I often think my children are safer if they do act like they hate me to please him. It’s so crazy. So hard. I pray for a miracle every day that I wake up from this nightmare and find us safe.

    • Sarahsarah says:

      I am new here, and it’s been a while since I have even discussed much oft experience with anyone except my child’s therapist and I must say to each of you thank you so much for sharing your experiences.

      I also won’t go into too much detail but wow it always amazes me how similar these predators are therefor making all of our experiences so similar.

      I have been dealing with my ex who I also believe is a sociopath for almost 10 years. Very similar circumstances..charming at first, started catching up in the weirdestost pointless lies about himself but was you and naive and didn’t know people this actually existed..my life has since felt like a Lifetime movie that never ends or gets better, and has gotten worse as my son has gotten older.

      While I believed he was a sociopath at the time I finally decided to leave for good and out him to those who knew me (until then I did my best to hide it), he stayed minimally involved in our lives the first few years. He had a child before me and has since had more…and has gotten worse it seems with each victim. Looking back I remember thinking how awful it was then…but I knew some day it would get worse when another woman entered the picture and he got someone else pregnant and suddenly the new lie was how involved of a father he was. This turned from me filing contempt to him retaliating with filing for custody. The lies and our case went on for a few years.

      I was lucky enough to have a Guardian Ad Litem and therapist who saw through him and recommended against him having custody to the court. I retained sole legal custody but he did get more visitation – still not much but much much more than I ever should have allowed. He wore me down. My child was getting older. In less than a year he went from fearing his father to lying for him, and worse. My child has been in theory for years but is very good at compartmentalizing his fathers home from ours. He has been intimidated and manipulated into hardly talking about anything at all anymore – and often he lies. The older he gets the more aware he is of his fathers retaliation against himself and me, I see that now.

      Over the years and in and out of court battles with me as well as his childrens other mothers – we’ve been accused of child abuse, cheating, everything he did he was good at turning around on me and the other women .. The oldest child’s mother gave up and he now has custody of that one. I feelike it’s a fight almost daily to stay strong for mine. And in reading these posts and even the fact that I felt I needed kt search somewhere I could write without worrying he would see…tells me I probably need to start therapy again more regularly. It’s hard to find time to take care of myself when I sometimes feel I spend every ounce if energy doing what I can to protect my child and watching my back wondering when the next custody dispute or accusation will occur and again turn my life upside down.

      I could share countless stories but like I said most are similar to what have been shared already and I do want to thank you all again for sharing. I’ve forgotten what it’s like not to feel so alone in this.

      We are now again in the middle of another court case – I hate that I can’t go into much detail because of the fear I have if he knew I was posting…I just feel like it never ends. And I know it’s irrational but I still have so much guilt. One stupid mistake and a very short period of time I knew him before finding out I was pregnant, and this is the life I have given to my child. The guilt is overwhelming sometimes, even if I do know deep down hos fathers behavior isn’t my doing…

      I have been reading all evening about psychological evaluations and other things. The evaluation is something I finally want to do but also fear the results, knowing how good these people are at what they do. We do have the same GAL involved again though and the same counselor we’ve had for years. I just know of too many horror stories. My attorney tells me I have to do this and be strong for my child. He does have experience in this and he’s represented me throughout this whole process since i filed for divorce. It’s hard though still – to keep putting my faith into a system that has failed me and my child and others so many times. At the same time, I will never sit back and do nothing. And realize now more than ever how much I need to talk about this more with people who understand, and how much I need to reeducate myself on to be able to take this on in the best way I can. Thanks everyone for listening.

  26. Darlene says:

    Ditto, ditto, ditto. For the 1st I can see there are others going thru the same hell. I needed to see this site because I’m at the point of losing my sanity or a nervous break down. When the sociopaths entire life purpose is to villify you, torture and destroy you, and somehow manages to convince everyone with his lies, your living in a world where good is bad, bad is good, right is wrong, and wrong is right. It’s hard to have my faith, hope, and my sanity. What initially started as his turning my kids against me has now snowballed into my sons acting out abusively towards me, much like he does. My youngest is acting on what he’s learned and seen and I’m not sure if it can be stopped because his dad allows it and entices it. But my oldest is a full blown sociopath, with no ability to bond or empathize with other human beings. Any relationships he has are not genuine, he pretends to have feelings but he truly doesn’t. I don’t know what to do. He is emotionally and verbally abusive towards me if I interfere in his life the slightest bit. And his lack of love, concern or respect is devastating to me. I know he needs to go because my youngest is learning behaviors from him and acting out towards me now too. But he is so brainwashed by his dad, that the last time I kicked his brother out, he was somehow convinced I was the bad guy, just as his evil dad and brother wanted. When your son is the sociopath it’s hard because as a mom you love them no matter what, but you have to separate yourself from abusive, manipulative and hateful people and that’s exactly what he is. Of course anytime I call him or his dad out for any wrong doing, I know his dad will see to it that I am punished, and somehow he always wins his evil, I will destroy you, game. As with any emotional abuser, there are ways around the restraining order, the courts have failed me, and everyone I know who turns a blind eye has failed me. Because these people are nothing but bullies, and left alone to weave their wicked spell, will continue to persecute you till one or both of you are dead. The only advice I have for the other people who have posted, is if you haven’t left him already, get your children as far as possible from him and don’t let them see how he treats you, especially if they are boys, they are likely to repeat the behavior. I know my oldest is a genuine sociopath because I knew something was wrong at a young age, before I ever even knew my ex was a sociopath. I need advice on how to tell my oldest son to leave, I know he needs to know what love looks like, and that I love him no matter what he does or says, but that I can’t allow him to stay here because he is blatantly disobedient, emotionally abusive and verbally abusive. And now the second male role model for my youngest son to witness how women are treated. But like I said, the last time I asked his brother to leave, dad and brother convinced him I was wrong and I was the bad guy. Damned if I do, damned if I don’t, and the abusive cycle repeats . . . Desperately need help

    • Peace247 says:

      Dear Darlene,
      My heart breaks for you. You don’t specify how old your sons are but I’m guessing your oldest son is an age where he can live alone, or at least move in with his dad? I strongly encourage you to make this happen and to limit contact for the youngest son, if you can. You are very right to be concerned about your son’s behavior, though I don’t know if you’ll be able to change it. You are also right about the abusive cycle repeating, it is so unjust that the system that is supposed to help and protect instead perpetuates the cycle. If you think there is hope for your youngest son, focus what you can on him, including counseling and educating him. Please let us know how it goes for you.

  27. Ruth says:

    My ex used exactly the same tricks. I have two adult children that still believe I was mean and horrible to their father (as well as irrational and out of control). He would stick his fingers in his ears when I was talking (things like asking him to please put an air conditioner in his daughters room as she had asthma – it was 85F and humid.) and then call me crazy and a fucking bitch when I reacted to his actions. Of course, the kids never saw this or heard his other provoking comments. In the beginning, he was much more subtile with his games and I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with our relationship, even thought it might have been me. Then I found out he was lying about me to not only friends & his co workers but also our kids. Unfortunately, it was too late to undo the damage by the time I caught on.

    My ex’s dad would always say he was a lot like his mother. At first I didn’t understand what he meant. Now I do. My ex’s mother – the kids grandmother – as well as the rest of the family are still carrying out their smear campaign against me. Basically, I have given up on ever having a decent, normal relationship with my children.

  28. Sandy says:

    Women are sociopaths too. My grandson’s mother is so controlling I couldn’t have the baby in my house for the first year of his life. He is 4 now and very little has changed, unless she needs a favor. She is relentlessly abusive, her older children are always in trouble. She won’t negotiate an hour difference in schedules, unless she needs to make the changes. She was paid child care because she lied about it on her taxes, and then didn’t even give the money to her own mother who lived in poverty. It’s not just men that are sociopaths.

    • Peace247 says:

      Thanks for the comment Sandy. I do realize that there are women who are sociopaths as well as men, it’s just as sad and frustrating and confusing, etc. I wish you the best of luck.

    • Chris says:

      From my experience there’s a far greater number of female sociopaths than male sociopaths. With women, they are much more likely to have “histrionic personality disorder” or “boarderline personality disorder” which is similar, than men do. I should know I’ve dated them often in the past and recently I finally realised why exactly… I’ve got an extremely sociopathic mother. It’s hurt my acting career no end. BUT NOT ANYMORE! c xx

  29. Wentra says:

    My oldest child and I are blessed that her psychopathic father did not take any interest in her. I was a teenager and he was in his twenties. He completely denied her and claimed he was sterile for the sake of another woman with whom he had a second child about seven months after my daughter was born. When the narcissistic sperm donor died a few years ago, I did a little research trying to find his health history for my daughter’s sake.
    I inadvertently found out that he married the mother of the second child (who grew up to become a career criminal). He was an abusive and philandering man as well as a convict. In between prison sentences, he cheated on the first wife, divorced her, remarried someone else and had other children with at least two additional women.
    I don’t know how the rest of them will turn out. They are still young. The second child is a thug like his father. However, the child I raised without any input or help from him is in a stable marriage and had a good government job before becoming a stay-at-home mom.
    I am now an educated professional and happily married for many years. So, I was the fortunate one, even though his other woman at the time most likely thought she was the lucky one. I shudder to think how life would have turned out if he had chosen me and my daughter…..

  30. Elizabeth H. says:

    OMG – this article hit the core existence of my entire divorce! My ex husband & I were together for 12 yrs. I was diagnosed with cancer at age 28 while 8 months pregnant with our 4th child. Four months later – our toddler was diagnosed with stage 4 kidney cancer. The cancer is genetic, all four children carry this rare gene. He makes 6-figures, he worked ft time at a chemical plant. I owned my own retail business – I was the sole prop. (not him) – during my cancer diagnosis – he teamed up with his friend who had just finished law school & transferred the business from my name (as a DBA/sole prop) to his name only (as LLC). During my divorce, I was actually working part time in my own store making $8/hour with all his family monitoring all the work that I did or did not do – while they sat around torturing me…. He ended our marriage when he got his girlfriend pregnant while our son was doing chemotherapy & radiation treatments. Currently (2 yrs post divorce), he threatens to take the children away from me every other week when he’s BROKE. The kids hear “nasty” sounds coming from their bedroom on weekend visitation at dad’s. She also destroyed her 11 yr marriage when she got pregnant & her 2 children’s lives. Obvious she is not a good mother to her own, so I don’t expect much from either of them as far as parenting goes. CPS literally told me to QUIT CALLING THEM. The children can not continue therapy with their child psychologist, because she has determined that my ex is a “FUNCTIONAL SOCIOPATH” and now he won’t consent to therapy & has already counter sued me with this “Rebuttal” when he owed more than $5,000 during the first 12 months after the divorce, when I filed for an enforcement. His balance was ZEROED out & he dropped “charges on me” even though my decree said “Mom has to CONFER” with dad regarding medical, psychological, dental, educational…. etc. He is an ABSENT parent! Children have had 180 dr appts in the past 2 yrs. Dad has been to 4 of these & yet the courts still let him call the shots???? WTH! I literally left my divorce with NOTHING: no house (we owned 2 homes & lost $100k in equity), no job (he destroyed my business while we were in court, texting his family to move all the inventory out while we were in court – 3 weeks later judge told me that there were no longer any assets to go after, pretty much “GET OVER IT…”, no car (we had 2 upside car notes – he made 6-figures but we were always REALLY BROKE – mortgage was always 2-3 mos behind, lights always disconnected), no business…… no health insurance (I have a pre-existing of cancer). I’m a full time nursing student now with only an associate’s degree in Education (which makes me $8/hour as a teachers aid at a daycare – 10 yrs ago he didn’t want to “babysit” his own two children so I could attend classes at night & finish my degree)….. I make $10/hour as a Certified Nurses Aid, I work graveyard shift…. so that I can juggle the kids’ dr appts – I don’t have health insurance for myself (only the kids are on his policy). He makes $100k/yr, his skank makes $80k/yr as ultrasound tech. SHE has a retail business under her name – the same type of retail business that I had owned – heck, they are even using MY WEBSITE…. the webhosting company can confirm this. I have talked with over 500 attorneys in Houston, nobody wants to help me once they hear I have NOTHING left….. Everyone saids I have a very strong BUSINESS FRAUD CASE… My divorce decree saids he is to pay mortgage until house sells, he didn’t make one payment – – -they both foreclosed! His atty threw in there that “neither party will find each other at fault in the event that the house forecloses….” SO THIS GOT HIM OUT OF ALL ACCOUNTABILITY…. We are only 2 yrs post-divorce. I have spent $11k since my divorce… on enforcements and modifications. I’ve exhausted any & all of my resources….. I have no more energy to FIGHT for justice when every attorney & legal aid service has told me they can’t help me – they don’t have the RESOURCES…. meaning “TOO MUCH DRAMA FOR THEM!” The kids aren’t stupid – I leave them out of this for the most part…. they wonder why she hides her “expensive Pantene” shampoo from them & why her kids get name brand clothes from the mall & they have to buy their clothes from Goodwill. Isn’t that the #1 rule for blending families….. TREAT ALL CHILDREN THE SAME – especially ALL SEVEN CHILDREN…. He has 2 DUIs & still drinks every night. CPS said that doesn’t matter as long as he’s not drinking & driving anymore…. Kids say that he hits them very hard for no reason…. for farting & not saying “excuse me” immediately. He has his 2 favorites (the two that have his characteristics), the other 2 he treats like they aren’t even his – they are forgotten completely on their birthdays. They are only remembered when he needs some “juice” on mommy, he kisses their ass & they are willing to say or do anything – – – to gain Daddy’s attention & love. They are the two naïve, co-dependents…. they are the most like me – so he preys on this when he needs something, otherwise he lets the other two walk all over them with no accountability. The only boy we have together, looks & acts just like him – he thinks everyone revolves around him at the expense of everyone else! The other daughter is miserable when everyone is happy & happy when everyone is miserable…. She is charming & gets straight A’s – when I try to make her accountable, she immediately shifts attention & blame to one of her other siblings… they all do this – all FOUR of them. Sometimes I’m very overwhelmed by their behavior. They fight over the most ridiculous things, they don’t take iniatitive to show affection or care for each other, it’s like survival of the fittest…. everyone out for themselves! I account this behavior to having a sociopath father & a very naïve, gullible co-dependent mother. This behavior has been modeled to them their whole lives & they are disposition to having her personality & temperament making them even more vulnerable to being a sociopath as well…. GENETICS + ENVIRONMENTAL INFLUENCE = Breeding ground for future sociopaths. I am desperate to end this cycle NOW! They need to go to therapy, ex loves to see his personality, especially in our son…. I don’t want him to grow up & cause the same havoc on an innocent wife & children….

  31. LeeAnn says:

    Great article! My biological father is a sociopath and this article sounded so much like him. I was four when my parents got divorced and it was my saving grace! Five days of the week I had a normal childhood. Even being so young, I knew there was something wrong with him. My mom was never able to get full custody of me because the court wanted me to testify against him. Yeah right! Having a sociopath parent is scary and I didn’t want to do anything to set him off so I walked the line he had set for me every weekend of my childhood, but I never believed his lies. Now, as an adult I have the power to choose. He is no longer a part of my life. It has been 10 years since I last saw him. Every once in a while I’ll have a nightmare about him but for the most part they are bad memories I’ve discarded. I chose to put it behind me and not let it define me. There is hope if you have a sociopath in your life.

    • Peace247 says:

      Dear LeeAnn, Thank you so much for your perspective! I sometimes feel like there is no hope for my kids, being forced to keep being exposed to the lies and manipulations over and over again because the court system is so broken. It’s so difficult to try to give my kids any sense of “normalcy”. I really hope that when they are older they will see clearly and protect themselves. Can you please tell me……….what was it that gave you the information/sense that he wasn’t “normal” and that he lied all the time? Did your mom tell you anything? Did you have to figure it all out by yourself? Just curious as I try not to say too much to my girls, except to point out inconsistencies and dishonesty, etc.

      Thank you!

      • LeeAnn says:

        I figured out he wasn’t normal on my own. A lot of it came from his constant degrading me. My mom helped by reassuring me of myself. She was always easy to talk to and tell her what was going on. She would ask me things, because she knew how he was.

  32. Jcornish says:

    I believe that schizophrenia like disorders are the caused by sociopathic perents. Twisting the truth to a point were they don’t know what think and lose touch with reality. As for sociopathy, I have many theories.

    • Peace247 says:

      Dear Jcornish,
      Thanks for your comment. I am not a medical professional so am unsure of any connection between schizophrenia and sociopathy. It is true that children of sociopaths do suffer, however, the degrees vary (as in most things) and so do the effects. Thanks for taking the time to offer your thoughts. Jen

  33. Confused says:

    Your story has helped me tremendously. I can’t be sure but I believe my ex to be a sociopath in nature. Some background…when we first got together he seemed to be the exact same as me then a short time in things started changing. I found evidence that he had more children to numerous women that he kept secret. I was already pregnant at that point. He started to make “jokes” in public about me. Then it was flat out attacks on my character. He would call me crazy. Say things and when confronted later say he never said them and I needed therapy due to me being crazy. He became physically abusive and blame me. Saying how I pushed him to do those things. When out with our daughter say he was looking to replace me. He pushed me while pregnant. Tell me to get an abortion. He choked me in front of her. Cut himself in front of me. When I went to leave grabbed car seat with her in it saying he would call the police and have me arrested and take her from me cause I put marks on him when trying to defend myself. Threatened to kill himself saying he left suicide note in top dresser drawer and I’d have to explain to her while she was growing up without a dad. I finally left and he broke the hinges on my drivers door. Tools me he would call cps. I got my pfa and he got visitation cause the judge said he never did anything to our daughter. She just turned 3 and came home where she acted out for a straight week. She was complaining her tummy hurt, woke up 2-4 times a night, was clingy, would no longer use the potty, was hitting me and told me daddy had smacked his gf and she had to go home with her grandma. I took her to doctors and they said she had acute stress reaction. Tried to get his consent for counseling to which he wouldn’t give and fought me. Blamed me for giving her too much sleep, blamed issue on daycare etc. Then he out right lied about what doctor told him. Needless to say I found a counselor who would take her and I’ve stopped sending her there. He threatened me with court and that never happened. Now he seems to be going away like he doesn’t care. He is saying he was injured at job and stopped paying child support. Hasn’t paid consistently. Has told me he can turn his emotions off for someone just like that. Courts need to look into children’s best interest more so than parental rights. Our children are in trouble and if the courts don’t do it we parents need to keep these precious children safe. God bless anyone going through this. That person doesn’t love you. Get out and pray everyday that that person leaves you and your child alone.

    • Peace247 says:

      Dear Confused, Thanks for your comment. Some of the things you describe are so familiar. I agree that it is VERY unfortunate (to put it mildly) that the court systems are so broken they are no longer there to serve in the “best interest of the child”. Yes, it is up to us to be vigilant and do what we can to protect our children. I want to do something to change things, even if it is to offer support. I wish I could effect legal and long term changes….maybe if enough people band together something will happen. My goal is to create a site that can be more interactive and private so people can come here to vent, ask questions, offer others support, etc. I am also in the middle of custody/legalities/visitation ‘stuff’, which is very stressful (as you all already know).

      I hope you are one of the lucky ones and your ex-husband chooses to stay away (loses interest). You will be better for it and so will your daughter. Thanks again for writing. Jen

    • Sarahsarah says:

      I am new here, and it’s been a while since I have even discussed much oft experience with anyone except my child’s therapist and I must say to each of you thank you so much for sharing your experiences.

      I also won’t go into too much detail but wow it always amazes me how similar these predators are therefor making all of our experiences so similar.

      I have been dealing with my ex who I also believe is a sociopath for almost 10 years. Very similar circumstances..charming at first, started catching up in the weirdestost pointless lies about himself but was you and naive and didn’t know people this actually existed..my life has since felt like a Lifetime movie that never ends or gets better, and has gotten worse as my son has gotten older.

      While I believed he was a sociopath at the time I finally decided to leave for good and out him to those who knew me (until then I did my best to hide it), he stayed minimally involved in our lives the first few years. He had a child before me and has since had more…and has gotten worse it seems with each victim. Looking back I remember thinking how awful it was then…but I knew some day it would get worse when another woman entered the picture and he got someone else pregnant and suddenly the new lie was how involved of a father he was. This turned from me filing contempt to him retaliating with filing for custody. The lies and our case went on for a few years.

      I was lucky enough to have a Guardian Ad Litem and therapist who saw through him and recommended against him having custody to the court. I retained sole legal custody but he did get more visitation – still not much but much much more than I ever should have allowed. He wore me down. My child was getting older. In less than a year he went from fearing his father to lying for him, and worse. My child has been in theory for years but is very good at compartmentalizing his fathers home from ours. He has been intimidated and manipulated into hardly talking about anything at all anymore – and often he lies. The older he gets the more aware he is of his fathers retaliation against himself and me, I see that now.

      Over the years and in and out of court battles with me as well as his childrens other mothers – we’ve been accused of child abuse, cheating, everything he did he was good at turning around on me and the other women .. The oldest child’s mother gave up and he now has custody of that one. I feelike it’s a fight almost daily to stay strong for mine. And in reading these posts and even the fact that I felt I needed kt search somewhere I could write without worrying he would see…tells me I probably need to start therapy again more regularly. It’s hard to find time to take care of myself when I sometimes feel I spend every ounce if energy doing what I can to protect my child and watching my back wondering when the next custody dispute or accusation will occur and again turn my life upside down.

      I could share countless stories but like I said most are similar to what have been shared already and I do want to thank you all again for sharing. I’ve forgotten what it’s like not to feel so alone in this.

      We are now again in the middle of another court case – I hate that I can’t go into much detail because of the fear I have if he knew I was posting…I just feel like it never ends. And I know it’s irrational but I still have so much guilt. One stupid mistake and a very short period of time I knew him before finding out I was pregnant, and this is the life I have given to my child. The guilt is overwhelming sometimes, even if I do know deep down hos fathers behavior isn’t my doing…

      I have been reading all evening about psychological evaluations and other things. The evaluation is something I finally want to do but also fear the results, knowing how good these people are at what they do. We do have the same GAL involved again though and the same counselor we’ve had for years. I just know of too many horror stories. My attorney tells me I have to do this and be strong for my child. He does have experience in this and he’s represented me throughout this whole process since i filed for divorce. It’s hard though still – to keep putting my faith into a system that has failed me and my child and others so many times. At the same time, I will never sit back and do nothing. And realize now more than ever how much I need to talk about this more with people who understand, and how much I need to reeducate myself on to be able to take this on in the best way I can. Thanks everyone for listening.

    • Sarahsarah says:

      Wow. Your story is so much like mine especially the beginning parts. I pray he will never take you to court also. Trust me – it is HELL.

  34. Dianne says:

    I totally get what you can’t put into words. My soon to be ex sociopath has raped me and my 4 children of all joy and peace. I’ve been fighting the sociopathic court process for 2 years now. He is a master manipulator and so evil. I’m fighting every minute and have exhausted all finances. The damage he has done and continues to do to the children is not even comprehendable. The lies, deceit, twisting, undermining, smear campaigning. Articles like yours are what keeps me hanging in for the battle and provide me with hope. I don’t feel so alone or crazy anymore. Thank you for sharing!!!

    • Peace247 says:

      Dear Dianne,
      Thank you for sharing as well! I am still going through the court process as well and it has been well over two years and at a financial and emotional expense I can’t even begin to describe. Feel free to come back whenever you need to, or email me. I am still trying to figure out a way to begin a support system that meet the needs of those near and far and that would be private and safe.

      Best of luck to you, Jen

  35. Racheal Snapp says:

    Ok , my ex is completely insane.. I’m scared of him. My son is 3 now but when he was 8 months old I had his dad agree to supervised visits. He can not be trusted alone with my child. Everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie .. I’ve never met a person like him , and it’s the scariest thing to deal with esp since I have a child with him. He went away to another state when my son was one , he just came back about 6 months ago and it’s hell. He doesn’t care about my son, he cares about me. He tries to scare me by saying he is going to court to fight for custody .. He has no pot to piss in , the kids 3 and never has been alone with him. He won’t let me go .. It’s getting to the point that I think something horrible is going to happen to me!!! He is carrying around a gun , also he bought ooze and put a silencer on the gun. This isn’t a joke.. I fear my life. But I don’t want to piss him off by put a protective order on him.. After all it’s just a piece of paper. I try to stop communication , but he figures out someway to get me to talk.. He makes me fight with my parents because he stirs up shit. My mom is so naive when he doesn’t talk to her she sees all the lies , but for a spilt second she is caught up in lies and stirs drama in my home.. He knows this, he likes it. My mom is the only person I have .. He tries to ruin it. I don’t know what to do.. Has anyone ever had to deal with this bad of a sociopath!? Or ever been scared of them??

    • Peace247 says:

      Dear Racheal ~ Don’t worry, your fears are rational and it’s a common feeling when dealing with a sociopath. I believe you and understand your reluctance to get an order of protection. I would urge you to find a professional in your area who is familiar with this type of pathology. It’s important for you to take as much precaution as you can in order to protect yourself. If you haven’t already, begin documenting everything – every interaction, threat, appearance, etc. The more you can avoid any type of contact, the better. A sociopath will continue to harass and “play games” as long as they can get some type of reaction and engagement from you. Consult an attorney if you can regarding custody. Urge your mom to avoid all contact as well.

      If you need more help or support please let us know.

  36. Heartbroken mom says:

    I had my sociopath attorney STEP FATHER manipulate the justice system and gain full guardianship of my kids. Why? To win. Revenge for standing up to his abuse, to abuse my children, to humiliate me, & to steal my survivors benifits ( husband passed one year prior) This man is hell bent in destroying my life after mouthing off to him. The courts ignore my allegations, I can’t afford an attorney, he’s friends with everyone in court where he & my kids live, I feel completely powerless, taken advantage of & down right broken. The abuse is so subtle..fattening up my kids, then making them feel bad about it, rotted out all their teeth, dirty looks, hostel aggressive mannerisms, ( kids are 7&12… Brain washing, parental alienation, my kids used to be happy joyous & free, now they are timid, insecure, obese, addicted to food & angry.

  37. John F says:

    Reading these stories brought up a lot of emotions, sadness, anger, relief. It’s hard to think about the suffering people are describing here, but it’s a relief to know I’m not as alone as I thought in experiencing some of these behaviors.

    I guess I’m realizing my father is a sociopath. My sister has said as much multiple times over the past number of years but I never considered a label. It was enough for me just to put as much distance as possible between myself and my father as soon as possible in life. The label never mattered.

    Reading these stories did me a lot of good even though it made me sad. I figure I owe it to the people who shared their stories to write some of my own as my life and my sisters is, I suppose, an example of what effect a sociopath has on their children.

    Emotionally I felt like I was filling the role of ‘the father’ in my family since at least ten years old. With my younger sister and also my mother. My actual father alternated between abusiveness and neglect, unless there was someone from the outside watching when he would all of a sudden be listening intently and acting politely. He was always very skilled at that.

    Yet my father was a master of pretending to be stupid with his family. You could tell him a hundred times that something he was doing was hurtful. He would just do it again and again and feign complete ignorance that you had ever expressed any objection each time. He was quite convincing at it, and seemed to hone in on areas that you cared about the most. I hadn’t heard the term ‘gaslighting’ before, but when I looked it up it reminds me of this behavior of his.

    His threats and violence were troubling and terrifying as a small child. His neglect was very hurtful as well and I was constantly trying to explain away his absence to other kids growing up. Even though the neglect hurt, and I thought it was my fault, I liked it better than threats and violence, and I liked the threats and violence better than the gaslighting. His behavior was truly ‘crazy-making’ and looking back on it now it was by far the worst and most damaging part of my upbringing.

    But like everyone else who wrote their story here, I’m a survivor. My belief is that great challenges present themselves in life to teach you great lessons. ‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ is true in the long run. Although it very nearly killed me more than once, and still causes me deep pain as an adult, I am a strong individual now. I became a father myself in the last few years and through that found strength I never knew I had. Strength to go back and face the wreckage and abuse of my family growing up. You stop being a frightened child when you grow up but it is still part of you. Even as an adult it was terrifying to confront my father. Yet I did.

    How do you successfully deal with a sociopathic father? For me it was getting to a place of understanding within myself that I had done everything within my power to try and forge a positive relationship. My father has never admitted to being wrong once in his life, not even about small things, so there was never any hope of getting him to understand the effect of his actions. He doesn’t care, and it’s obvious. He was an easy person to cut out of my life because all I had do was stop contacting him. He never bothered to contact me.

    There were points in life where I wanted to choke the life out of him, but thankfully never did. I still remember the first time I felt that way even though it was over twenty years ago. I was 18 and for the first time in my life bigger than him and capable of winning a physical fight. I had been away visiting a school I planned to attend and had not been able to get the bus back I wanted. This put me a 15 minute drive away from home and when I called my father for a lift it somehow turned into ‘what pieces of sh*t me, my mother and sister were’. A very common occurrence. Up until that point I would always slink away silently when this happened, but this time something snapped. I told him if he ever talked to me that way again he would not see me for the rest of his life. Which makes me laugh a bit now as it’s kind of an empty threat to a sociopath. He never cared me anyway except as something to complain about.

    Soon after that, I moved away from home for good. I had tried to run away at 14 but just didn’t have the means and gave up until I was older. Now I devoted myself to finding a way to support myself. As soon as I could I put 3000 miles between myself and my family. My only regret was leaving my younger sister behind to deal with the abuse on her own.

    It had always been worse for her. For reasons I did not understand at the time, but understand better in adulthood. My father raped my mother to have my sister, she is many years younger than me, and my parents old. After I moved 3000 miles away, my sister ended up being hospitalized for psychiatric reasons. She was admitted and held for over a year, including time under 24-hour suicide watch. She bore the brunt of my fathers ‘crazy-making’. In reality she was the sane one, but my father painted her as a helpless loser dependent who was a drain on him and responsible for all the family’s problems.

    At one point she broke out of the psych ward, ran away, and had the police looking for her. She was in her mid-teens at the time. My father’s chief concern? What would he tell his colleagues at work?! It’s old news but still blows my mind a little to tell it here. I guess he’s human too, but it’s hard to tell at times like that.

    I don’t know what it is with all the pregnancy stories here. My father had left his original country after getting his best friend’s wife pregnant. My mother had one child before me who died in childbirth. I can’t help but wonder what role if any my father might have had in that. When my mother was in the hospital having me, my father was at the house having one of his many affairs. I’m guessing it was no accident that my mother found evidence of it as soon as she brought me home. Just like my father to take an action to prove he can disrespect any family event. That is another of his gifts.

    My very co-dependent mother is still with my father to this day. My whole childhood was her asking me whether she should leave my father or not. Even when I gave her permission as a pre-teen kid it never happened. Not that it was fair to put me in that position in the first place. She has paid the price for staying. She is truly crazy now and is incapable of separating fact from imagination. You can see it in her eyes and it is very discouraging to see my father still playing at his manipulations as a feeble old man. I’m powerless to do anything about it, other than parent the next generation differently and break the cycle.

    Two years before having children I told my parents they would have to try and resolve our shattered family if they wanted to be grandparents. I led the family into a series of therapy sessions. The results were predictable, my father pretended everything was a lie, my mother would admit things in private and then cave to my father as soon as they were in the same room. In the end all we succeeded in doing was making the therapist cry. For some reason I find that funny, but feel kind of sick about it.

    After giving every chance humanly possible to let my parents become involved grand-parents I cut them out of my life completely. I did this to avoid going crazy myself. Maybe some people posting here can understand how serious and real this feeling is. I did this knowing full well that it would mean cutting myself off from my entire extended family (minus my sister) and from any friend that I knew through my parents. Sure enough I’ve been painted as a most evil human being to everyone who will lend my parents an ear. They have even talked of using the courts to take my child from me as an unfit parent. In reality there is zero basis for such an action, so it will never happen. But it’s interesting to me that they would be the ones to go there and reaffirms what many people here say about the court system… useless for the victim unless they have serious financial resources and a tool easily abused by the sociopath. In my opinion the courts protect money not people.

    It pains me to say it, but my sister and I are both children of a sociopath, and my sister never really escaped. A few years ago she became pregnant while living with her boyfriend, a positive occurrence normally. She is in her thirties now. My father without batting an eyelash told her she needed to get an abortion, that she is damaged and the child surely will be too. My sister still influenced by him did end her pregnancy. Very sad for her and for me as well. It caused a blood infection that put her life in jeopardy and in the hospital for over a week. My father not only refused to visit despite the hospital being a few minutes out of his way, he expressed indignation that he would even be asked to visit. It never ends.

    I don’t know what it is like to be the partner of a sociopath, my heart goes out to everyone coping with that. What I do know is that surviving an upbringing by a sociopath is the greatest challenge I’ve faced in life. It’s taken many near death experiences to put my life in perspective and realize I’m a decent human being. At first I tried to be the opposite of my father, later I realized that is as unhealthy as being just like him. Now I’m just me. I’m not perfect, but I’m a good friend to the people close to me and always there for people when the chips are down. I know what it’s like to be abandoned and refuse to do it to others. I wish my mother had taken us far away and never looked back, but she never did. She has paid a horrible price for it. My sister for all her troubles has come to realize what she has been through and has started on the road to healing. It’s a bumpy road.

    I guess if I could say anything it’s that the light at the end of the tunnel is not always an oncoming train. Healing is possible, not with the sociopath, but within yourself. Never give up, never stop trying, your children will realize one day and will thank you for it or they will be lost to you.

    • Peace247 says:

      Dear John F,
      Thank you very much for your thoughtful and personal perspective. Being unable to protect our children is often the most difficult aspect for many of us who have the unfortunate circumstance of being involved with a sociopath. I’m so happy to hear that you have realized your worth and my best to your sister.

      Jen

      • John F says:

        Thank you Jen. Perhaps my perspective concerning my sister is very similar to that of a parent. Due to the fact that our parents did not fulfill many ‘parental’ roles and because I’m a fair bit older. It took many years to forgive myself for leaving and not protecting her. Even though it was essential to my own survival.

        For all my father’s evil behavior he still taught me very powerful lessons. Even though it was seemingly unintentional and through negative examples. I got to a healthy place the same as kids without sociopaths for parents. It was a much longer road, but when you finally get there you have a much deeper understanding.

        I’ve heard it said that people forget things you say and do, but they never forget how you made them feel. I try to live and parent with that in mind.

        I appreciate the good wishes for my sister, she has made some breakthroughs just this week. For the first time in her life she told someone who knows my parents the truth about our family. It was a great surprise to them, which is a testament to my father’s superb skills of deception. She was also hired at a new job. It is work that my father has long suggested was out of her reach because she is not good enough.

        My sister still tries to make my father understand the impact his actions have had on the family from time to time. Which is never successful. But for the most part she has little interaction with him and little regard for him and his opinions. In contrast her relationship with our mother is very combative and filled with lies and accusations on my mother’s part. In the end she blames my mother more for never standing up for herself and her children more than she blames my father’s behavior, which she has concluded is inevitable.

        peace
        -John

    • Sarahsarah says:

      John – thank you thank thank you for posting your story. As the mother of a son who’s father is a sociopath, who was also raised by his mother sociopath and also had a sister …similar story but older sister and you her brother and the father wasn’t in the picture at all…my greatest fear is that my son will be so manipulated by his father that he will become like him, and that he will consider the behavior as normal. He has positive make role models in his life, but the hold his father has on all of his children, mine included, worries me greatly. My main goal as his other is to raise him to be nothing like him. He is his fathers only son, and for that I think he gets treated somewhat better, because it’s females mostly his father has problems with – even his own daughters, and I think that has a lot to do being raised by his mother pretty much just the two of them, as his sister was im holder and moved out of their mothers home when he was a toddler.

      I struggle with my son seeing his dad for what he is, and that shattering him…and at the same time with him being so manipulated by him that he doesn’t see it at all. All I can do is hope and pray every day that every choice I make will give him the best life I possibly can and the healthiest – mentally and emotionally.
      Again thank you so much for sharing your experiences.

  38. Heather says:

    I met my soon to be ex husband when I was 18, and he was 22 at the time. When I met him I had a 6 month old child from my previous sexually abusive relationship. (I really know how to pick em. Luckily him and I get along now and all is well. No sociopathic traits) Since I was still young and this was my first child, I brought Mr.Toxic around him very soon after we started dating and he quickly became a father figure to him being as his biological father was not around at the time. Mr.Toxic would play with him, build things with him, take him outside to play, and he seemed like an all around amazing father to my son! & That’s where they getcha, It’s like in Twilight when Edward says “Everything about me invites you in. My voice, my smell, my appearance.” Whatever he says. They will lure you in with their charm, and their fake great qualities, and they will truly have you believing that you have met the love of your life. That’s what I believed. I found a man that not only loved me, but loved my son as well.

    8 months later after months of emotional abuse, and him draining me of all my money and energy. Sadly enough, and why I don’t know, but we decided to have a baby. When I got pregnant, things seemed to get even worse. Every time I was upset or angry about something he would say “You know you may be pregnant but that doesn’t mean that you can say and do whatever you want. Stop blaming everything on your pregnancy.” When I was tired and wanted a nap he would tell me to get off my ass and quit being lazy. If I didn’t want to have sex, he would claim that I didn’t love him and he would always ask “What the hell do you want from me?” (that never made much sense to me, but then again nothing about him makes sense to me). The first time he put his hands on me I was 3 months pregnant, and my other son was in the next room trying to take a nap. I can’t remember what we were arguing about at this point but I just know that he threw a laundry basket at my head and pushed me down when I tried to get out of the room. That was his thing: barricading me in rooms, usually a corner so I couldn’t get out, or right in front of the door.

    The second time he put his hands on me was about a month after our son was born. We were engaged at this point I think. Stupid. Anyways so again, I don’t remember what the argument about because it was usually something so small and insignificant that made him fly off the handle. I went to his sisters house to pick up our son because at the time, that’s where he was keeping him during his time due to the conditions of his mothers house (who he was living with. We went back and forth between living together and not). I can’t remember how it escalated (I also think I have repressed some of this over a 4 year time period.) but I know he ended up dragging me into the house while I was holding my son who was 2 at the time. Then of course he barricaded me in the house and wouldn’t let me leave until I backhanded him. I can’t even imagine how confused my son must have been and still is since he witnessed 4 years of this bullshit.

    Even after all this, we got married after 3 years of being together on and off (I can still remember my dad crying like it was a funeral instead of a wedding). A month after we got married, I found out he had been using my bank card for useless bullshit. Cases of Redbull, gas to ride around with his buddies, fast food, you name it. His response was “well I checked the balance and I saw that you had like 2000 so I figured you were good”. This fight escalated into him dragging me across the room by my throat, pushing me into the bathtub, the usual barricading, and this time he even had the audacity to push my son down because he was trying to get to me to help me. The main thing I remember about that day is 1) The cop walking my husband out in hand cuffs after I had called the cops 2) My childrens’ crying, screaming faces while I was being pushed around.

    To no ones surprise, I was right there at the jail picking him up when he got out 6 weeks later.

    The last straw for me (you think being abused would do it) is when I found out about his girlfriend. He had cheated one me before; had sex with other people, messaged girls asking them for sex (in his sociopathic charming way), and they were usually 18 or under. But this time he had been having a relationship with another girl and had been trying to get her pregnant for 4 months before I found out about it by seeing the scratches on his back (I’m a nail biter).

    They are still together now, a year later and they have a 2 month old son, and he also has a 3 month old daughter who was born from a one night stand the night I found out about his affair.

    I can’t even begin to explain what this man has done to me in one single post. I couldn’t even scratch the surface. These days it’s an ongoing battle to try to keep my son safe. My oldest son, luckily since he wasn’t his biological father, he is now out of his life. But I feel like all hope is lost when it comes to the son that WE have together. He uses him to impress his girlfriend, and to make himself look better to his own family that now claims that I’M the crazy one. The same family that told me I was delusional when I told them he was trying to get another women pregnant while also not wrapping it up while he was with me. I have been emotional and physically beaten, I can’t fight for sole custody because I don’t have the money yet, so I can’t even divorce this man. My plan is to take my tax money next year and run but I know that in doing that…he could get full custody. I’ve read very few happy endings when it comes to dealing with a sociopath and I can only hope and pray that I come out of this not a part of that statistic but I don’t have a lot of faith in that anymore.

    If I had the time, energy, and money I would dedicate every spare second of my life to making sure that justice is served when it comes to sociopaths and child custody.

    History repeats itself because the courts let it. Mr. Toxic’s father was abusive and his mother tried and tried to get him put away but he stuck around and now all 5 of his children are seriously screwed up individuals. It’s like I’m dealing with an entire family of sociopaths instead of just one.

    I hope at least one of us has some success in this horror story, and it’s good to know that I’m not alone. But for the sake of all the children out there, I wish I was.

  39. In-progress says:

    I am the son of a sociopath father.

    There are so many stories I could tell. Being African American, a lot of what I say (mostly when talking to other African Americans) gets taken lightly, because getting an “ass whooping” has become a joke (Just notice the stand-up comedians.), and, even in general, it seems like people want to compare who had the toughest parents and worst family situation.

    I was a smart, sweet kid – eager to please. (Something that my father made me feel guilty for, as I got older. He claimed that my mother was the reason I went “bad”.)

    So many things happened. I was put into a lot of stressful situations – like using a chainsaw in my early teens. The tree was lying down, but part of it arched off the ground. It was my first time using the chainsaw. He said to go easy when I’d nearly cut through – “or you’ll cut your balls off.”

    There were lots of instances where if I expressed any fear, he would make fun of it. (Working on the edge of a roof, for example)

    Lots of times when he’d put me in charge of something and threaten me: not with any particular punishment – just glare at me and tell me I’d better not mess anything up.
    Like when he had his standard shift truck at the end of his pond (not a regular truck, more like a tow-truck; it had been expensive for him to get), and he wanted me to hold it there, without letting it drift backwards and fall in.

    He knew I was still learning to drive standard shift, but I was maybe 14, and he put me in the seat of that expensive truck, yelling at me not to let it fall in. I wanted to cry, but I often got whippings just for crying.

    I was afraid to laugh with him, because, often, a genuine joke was often a lead for an insult. He might say something like – Look at that dog, acting crazy. (I’d laugh) Just like you and your mama.
    Then he’d stare at me, grinning, and I’d feel like I had to smile, or he’d insult me more.

    My mother was passive. I’d tell her things in confidence, which she would tell my father, and he would use them to insult or embarrass me, at unexpected times.

    He’d insult her a lot as well, and she’d simply go along with it. I had a younger sister, and I was put in charge of her. So, anything she did “wrong”, I could be blamed for it. (You didn’t teach her how to do this. You left her; you didn’t watch her. You made her angry at me.)

    My mother and father gave me two different tasks sometimes; my father would get angry at me for doing something my mother told me, until I explained, and then he’d say “Your mother doesn’t know what she’s talking about.” So, I became incredibly confused.

    – and he always told me to never tell anyone what happened in our home.

    I finally broke down, at 16 – part from the home life, but also because of bullying, and set off by being rejected by my first love.

    I went into major depression – instantly stopped sleeping, eventually started cutting. I got my mother to take me to the doctor, with false pretenses – and I told the family doctor that got some help for me. My mother didn’t want me to go into a behavioral healthcare center, but I yelled at her and told her that I really needed help.

    When I returned, I disagreed with my father more, and that’s when I truly realized that he had a problem. It may have been different in my early teens, late-preteens, when I had become almost totally emotionally numb and agreeable, but once I started doing things like asking “Why do you keep calling me stupid?” or getting into 2 hour long arguments/lectures. The nail in the coffin was when I broke down crying in front of him, asking him to change, and he responded calmly, absolutely emotionless, and continued to blame me and my mother for my “crazy capers”.

    I’m 29, and I still struggle with not blaming myself for everything. – which is tough, because most people I know are defensive; so, if someone shows up 15 minutes late, and they’re nonchalant, and I’m upset. If they get angry at me for being upset, I start to think that maybe it really is my fault, or I have no right to be upset.

    I have mild agoraphobia. I get stressed in social situations, because I’m afraid of showing my emotions, or I will somehow screw up. It’s like my father is going to punish me, even when he’s not here.

    I’m still trying to figure out what’s me, and what’s the screwed up side effects of my father’s abuse, and, when I can, I talk to therapists.
    Because I never talked to anyone, when I was younger, I still have a lot of locked in emotion that, as an adult, nobody cares to listen to. People just think you’re being weak – probably even more so, with me being an African American male.

    I kinda stopped wanting to hurt myself, but I often just want to stay locked in my room. I feel like I’m having to build my self-confidence from scratch, while the world is passing by and putting me down.

    • Peace247 says:

      Dear In-Progress ~ Thank you very much for sharing your experiences. I’m so sorry for what you have had to go through. You may not realize it but you are helping many of the parents on here to feel validated. It’s hard work and seems almost impossible sometimes but we try to protect our kids stories like yours remind us why we need to continue to fight hard.

      My hope for you is that you come to understand your worth as a person and continue your path of self growth. Keep talking about it and find things that make you happy. Your father doesn’t get to define you. Feel free to email any time. Jen

    • BsMomma says:

      Your post is so powerful, I wish I could reach out and give you a hug. I’m so sorry for the things your father did, and also sorry your mother did not protect you. I stumbled on this post while searching for ways to protect my own son from his sociopathic father, and I agree with the previous person that your post has validated for me the need to continue fighting to protect my son for the rest of his life.

      It is clear from your writing that you are not only extremely intelligent, but also very attuned to your own emotions. That is such a gift. You might consider writing your entire story, including your recovery. I for one would buy that book.

      Good luck

  40. Dawn says:

    I was wondering if you could put the name of this mr poison because this situation sounds extremely familiar to my predicament . I would enjoy reading more about this . I realized my father was sociopathic after he threw a huge fit telling me how I should never have been born and the list goes on for weeks , the. He left and I haven’t seen him for years. I have no idea what exactly he was trying to succeed but I guess he won against my mom in custody and then once he ha me for a month gave up and spun the whole thin on me being to hard to handle very emotionally damaging .

  41. connie says:

    I am a mother of a sociopath who is raising her daughter that she abandoned at 2 1/2, 6 months ago she had another baby girl we have had no contact with her for 6 years and recently met her to meet the new baby…since that first meeting she does nothing but ask for money serious drug abuse history ..we are fearful for this new baby … We have no idea where to turn who to talk too what to do…we feel we will see the baby ad long as we pay….what to do is there help. Concerned scared worried and sick mother

  42. Danny says:

    I am so sorry for the pain that you have gone through. I work with students who are intellectually disabled for 40 years and I thought I had seen it all. I have a son who was identified as having an anxiety disorder in kindergarten and my wife have been through a lot just to make sure he graduated. He did…thank God! But then he met a woman who was very controlling and manipulating, he was 18 + and we could not talk sense to him about how she was controlling him. They married, and had a child and live with her parents. Her mother argued with her (we were told) all the time they lived there. In the heat of an argument they left and moved in with my wife and me. I wanted to welcome her as a daughter in law and show her the love of family helping family. She wanted to control our house and us changing our routines, and how we lived, and even the arrangement of the house….using our son and grandson as rational reasons. Some my wife and I could go along with until we found ourselves hating to go home. We could not see our grandchild, and even though we complied with what our daughter in law asked, we were kept from seeing our grandchild. Our son was told by her and even abused when he did not comply with what she wanted..both mentally and physically. We did not know what to do. Now, after an altercation that she demanded, I told them they had to move out. She told me that I would never see my grandson again. VA. does not have a grandparents law or rights for grandparents. My concern is for my grandson. His mother is just like her mother. They told me that they were taking medication, but they felt that they did not need it. I did not know what the medication was for. Anyway, I am 61, a teacher or autistic and Intellectual disabled students, and I have a son and grandson living in a questionable home situation. I am worried, because my son calls telling us of arguments that his wife and mother in law have. We tell him not to interfere, but he is manipulated by his wife and her lies to him. Please help me and my wife. Any suggestions would be welcome email dannydmeadows@hotmail.com

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